dissonates | Appointments Post

[If Luke were in the right state of mind, he'd wonder how Asch would know what dying is like, and think about the scars.

But he isn't, and Asch's confirmation that he isn't dead just makes him all the more glad to be back. It kind of hurts to hug him - there are injuries practically all over Luke's body. But all of that doesn't matter right now. Not when he's finally away from it all. Another hiccup, and his voice sounds thick - and dammit, he can't hold back the tears now.]

I'm ali... I'm alive.

[Yet he had to kill so much to be sitting here now, to say that he's alive now. What right does he have to be glad he's alive when so many others don't even have that luxury...?]

[...Sigh. He really is such an idiot. With Luke crying like that, Asch doesn't have much to do- he can't contribute to the relief about being alive, and he's not particularly inclined to offer any more comfort than the minimal amount he's already giving, so instead he takes a moment to peer at Luke's body, checking for actual injuries beneath all the blood and muck caking his clothes.

And Luke's train of thought - what little Asch can decipher of it, since the link is all but broken off at this point - is a little irritating too. He's getting flickers of it, images, faint feelings of guilt and grief. This was more than just a series of simple battles. This was what it's like to fight in a war.

And the aftermath of war is one thing that Asch can deal with.]

...There's no shame in having a will to live. [His voice is quiet, just as calm as before, keeping his expression careful and distant, even if Luke isn't looking at him.] It's what keeps people alive, even when their bodies are broken.

[There's a fair amount of injuries once he gets past the blood that is both his own and some of other enemies and friends, and mud and rain. A large, dark bruise travels from his left cheek to the base of his neck, a small cut is on his other cheek, and gashes and bruises cover his arms. There are two cuts on his mid section, too, and that's all that can be visible. The rest are under his clothes. He had to sacrifice his vest, thankfully not his prized one with the demon face, when it got torn to even be salvageable. Luke didn't even think to get healed - he just wanted to get home.

Asch's words make Luke silent for a moment, though the guilt remains. Luke's had shame in his will to live for months now, and a few words aren't going to change that. But it does, at least, remind him of what he's fighting for. For will. The will to live, free will from the Score...]

I keep... t-taking that away. [He takes in a quiet, though still audible hiccup.] To try and... give it back to more people. [If that makes sense. Luke doesn't bother explaining himself, though. Next, his voice turns quiet and even shakier.]

I want to stop... but I can't.

[It doesn't make sense, actually, not really. But Asch either doesn't care or doesn't think it's a good idea to ask for clarification. It's all pretty inconsequential, when you put it into perspective; maybe Luke has a lot to worry about, and maybe it's worth worrying about, but hell- he's alive enough to worry about it. That's worth a lot more.

So Asch responds with a simple, vague, "mm" noise, fingers curling slightly in Luke's hair. He really isn't good with this sort of thing.

I wish Guy was here. Unwilling, that thought. He wishes it would stop coming to mind at inconvenient times.]

[Asch didn't understand... Luke knew he didn't, too. He's probably babbling... If Guy were here, he'd get it even if Luke was trembling and unable to speak properly.

I wish Guy was here. That thought is also unwilling, and also pops up at the worst of times. Luke wills that thought away. Asch was here... Asch was here and doing his best to talk to Luke despite him looking as pathetic as the insults Asch would bite him with. He even curled his hand a little...

Now that that's off of Luke's chest, he's starting to calm down a little. He still cries quietly, but he finally does loosen his hold and pull back enough to sit on his heels, looking down at the floor and wiping the back of his arm across his face - only to wince when he comes across a gash.]

S-Sorry. I should go - sh-shower now.

[Asch gives Luke a quiet glance for a moment, lips tightly pursed, then lifts a hand, eyes closing. A faint glow appears around them, magic flowing, and shortly after, Luke should feel a healing sensation. It doesn't last long - Asch is already tired - but it ought to leave the injuries pretty well closed over.]

...Don't bleed all over the floor. [His voice is quiet, a mixture of weariness and exasperation. He's not a dad, he's not a nursemaid, he's not your friend.

He's just... doing this for now. Because someone has to.

That's all.]

[Luke makes a soft noise of confusion and surprise once he sees the glow and feels that healing sensation. The gashes become cuts, the bruises disappear - the one covering his face and neck lessens, anyway, to his jawbone instead. He just feels... much better. No longer as miserable, anyway, like everything hurt.

He looks up at Asch as the magic fades, hears that tone in his voice. Yeah... he thinks he gets it, no matter how much it hurts to think it. But still... Asch stepped up when someone had to. He could have pushed him away and told him to shower again... but he didn't. He was there when Luke needed him.

It's enough.

For the first time in days, Luke smiles. It's just slightly pathetic - he smiles more on one side than the other thanks to the ache in his cheek and how down he's still feeling, and it wavers a little, but it's still there.]

... Right. Thanks.

[As he slowly gets to his feet, his right knee shakes a little, and he has to pause in his ascent before he straightens and heads back to the restroom, trying to hide how he favors his left leg.]

[He doesn't hide it well, but then again, Luke has never been good at hiding anything, really. Even without their link, it's obvious.

...Stupid replica.

He's done all he can for now, though- maybe all he can do, period. So once Luke disappears from view, Asch heads for his own room, shutting the door and aiming to flop right on the bed. He'll need a good rest after the last few days, even if he has a feeling neither of them will get one tonight.]

It's not that. [ there's a note to her voice that is almost ... fond. ] I'd say that to anyone I ... thought was important. [ "cared about" -- those are the words she stops herself from saying. She DOES care about Asch, but ... well, he doesn't seem to take that sort of thing terribly well. ]

Edited 2011-06-12 20:06 (UTC)

And why would you consider me important? I'm not your original. I'm not Luke. There's no reason for any of this to matter to you.

[They've met, what. Twice? Less than a handful of times, for certain. The concept of someone's personal problems mattering in such a short time is nearly inconceivable.]

[Drafts always happened in Luceti. People would go and fight, some would die, but most would return, injured and weary, yet safe. Stella hated to see the draft list go up, hated all these wars and the thought of people who couldn't even fight going out there. She hated reading the list, hated seeing people she was familiar with...

And this particular time, she hated to see that one name. Asch... He had to go out there. Granted, he's a soldier. He's probably used to these things. But even the most seasoned soldier could be hurt or killed.

It's why Stella finds herself outside of his apartment, and why she knocks quietly. Normally she'd have a smile on her face already, but this time, she's truly showing how worried she is by pursing her lips. She just hoped he was there... If not, she might have to look elsewhere. But she knew she had to see him before he left.]

[Asch opens the door a moment later, looking pretty calm for someone who's been called out to war. Probably a soldier thing. He is, however, holding his sword at his side, though he shifts it back a bit when he sees that it's her. He steps away from the door to let her in, though he doesn't look thrilled to see her.]

What're you doing here?

... I saw your name on the list.

[Stella steps inside, though she keeps her head down. Her hands are near her chest, her fingers practically tangled together, trying to find some way to occupy themselves.]

I... [She smiles and lets out a soft little laugh.] I'm not sure why I came here. To wish you the best, I suppose?

[So it was out of concern... he thought as much. Leading her further inside the apartment, he sets the sword down on the table, where a whetstone and a bowl of dirty water is already resting; it's probably obvious that he was in the middle of sharpening the blade. Bypassing that, though, he goes to set the kettle to boiling.]

If you're worried, you shouldn't be. I'll be fine.

[Not that he's promising anything, but if there's one thing he's still good at, it's the field of battle.]

You say that so easily...

[She shouldn't be worried? Ha... Even if she knew the most capable warrior in Luceti, she would worry. It's not just fighting an enemy - it's a war.

Stella leans her hands on the table and gazes down at the items Asch has on the table. Most of them are lost on her, though she knows they must be used to sharpen his blade. The only time she's ever seen swords were on people like Chloe, or...]

Should I see you off with a smile, then? And not concern myself with your safety?

[Asch pauses at the counter, hands resting on it for a moment as he silently waits for the kettle. Why is she asking him what? It's not like he has a good answer for her... it's bad enough that he has to tell her not to worry, but that... hasn't he already told her not to pretend?

His chest hurts, and he's not even sure why, for once. He can't look at her, knowing what kind of expression she must be wearing. It's the same as Natalia.

Dammit...]

...I can't tell you what you should do. But you still shouldn't worry.

[He knows he's being a hypocrite. But that doesn't really matter to him right now.]

[... Stella smiles, a little, though it isn't out of false encouragement or hope. She's honestly slightly humored - just two sentences, and Asch already contradicted himself. She shuts her eyes, and her smile grows. They're both hypocrites, aren't they?]

You can't tell me what to do, and yet you still tell me I shouldn't worry. Asch...

["Do you know how silly you sound?"

But she doesn't say that out loud. Instead, she lets out a breath, her smile fading as she looks up at him.]

I know how capable of a fighter you are. You're a soldier... The battlefield is something you're used to. I'm not doubting your abilities... But I'll still worry.

[...Ugh. He hates it when people worry- as if his life is even worth that much these days. Not that he can even say that without getting a lecture in response.

It's... not like he wants to die, either. He knows how it feels, what you get out of it. He knows how certain people who shall remain unnamed would react. And even if, in this place, he could be back in a week...

Still. It doesn't really changed a damn thing.]

Would it help if I said I'll be careful?

[ ... she is getting around to this much too late. But ... she needed to tell one of them eventually. And right now, that person isn't going to be Luke. For one reason or another, it would be too hard.

Asch, for all his brusqueness, will be a little easier for her to handle. ]

... Asch? Can I talk to you?

[Asch's response is wary and somewhat delayed - it's been a weird week, okay - but he does respond eventually. And he makes sure that he's alone when he does, though he's puzzled about why she'd be privately contacting him and not his replica.]

What is it?

... I spoke to Van. In person. [ She sounds ... unhappy, to say the least. The experience terrified her. ]

[So, the replica told her after all. He expected as much; even if they'd decided to keep his past behaviour quiet to the general public, certain individuals were... exempt. For their own reasons.]

...If you actually sought him out, you're a bigger idiot than I've ever taken you for.

No! [ She groans, pained. ] No, I'd never! Not after everything I've heard... he walked into the library one day while I was studying. I didn't know what he looked like, so I had no idea it was him until he told me his name.

[ ... that's when she did something stupid, but she doesn't say that part. Very quietly, obviously shaken. ]

He acted so nice. I would never have known if I hadn't learned his name.

Edited 2011-10-01 01:09 (UTC)

What the hell, the replica didn't even bother to describe him for you?

[Idiot, idiot! Leave it to the dreck to put his own girlfriend in danger. Ugh.]

So? What happened?

.... no. I should have thought to ask. It was stupid. [ She blames herself for that one, really. ]

He ... well, I've been studying medicine a lot lately. ... he asked me if I had any books about diseases. I think ... I think he might be sick.

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