dissonates | [Action / Backdated to the 19th]

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[Action / Backdated to the 19th]

[The fonic link is a rather convenient tool, that much is for sure; with it, Asch can tell where Luke is in case he needs to avoid his replica- and, alternatively, whoever he's with. And in this case, it's Guy. Ever since Guy's arrival earlier this month, Asch has been mysteriously absent from the apartment he'd shared with Luke, and tonight, with Luke and Guy both out and about for the evening, he's come to a decision.

He's leaving- for good. Once the apartment is empty, he'll venture there himself, clear out his room, and leave it vacant for them to find later on. Or not find. Maybe they won't notice. Maybe they won't care.

Guy won't. He's fairly certain of that. And that- ...it doesn't bother him. He won't let it bother him.

Tsuae is displeased upon his return, of course, and Star has the nerve to try and set him on fire, but his mind is made up. Within a few hours he's packed up and ready to go. It's actually kind of sad, how few possessions he's managed to acquire over the last few years in Luceti. It'll probably only take a few trips to get it to his new place.

...Once he figures where that new place is.

People can run into him while he's in the process of moving if they so desire, though there are a couple people that, in particular, he needs to be speaking with. The area is mainly community building 2, by the way.]

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[It hurts to run like this. It feels like someone's dug a knife into his head and keeps twisting it - every part of him is telling him to sit down or, at the very least, slow down. But he won't, he won't, not as long as Asch is there, not as long as Luke can get to him. He has this awful feeling that if he doesn't, then he won't ever see him again.

So he heads straight for where the link tells him where Asch is. The more steps he takes, the stronger the signal gets. Though he can barely see anything, very nearly ran into more than a few walls in his trek, he knows he's close. And then the presence is in front of him, and yet he doesn't stop until he's got his arms around it and almost takes it off of its feet with the force of it and buries his face in it.

... There. The pain lessens a little now that he's stopped, but only a little, and he lets out a small sound thanks to that. God, that hurt. This hurts. He's practically clinging and he doesn't want to let go.

Please don't leave...]

Citizens that don't... what?

[What the hell is he even talking about?]

...Ah.

[A small dialogue box pops up at the bottom of his screen and Japan looks down at the message.

Asch has realized something about you. Do you:
Lie
Tell the truth
Run away

He frowns at the choices and selects 2. The second option flashes for a moment and the box disappears.]

I apologize. I don't believe I ever introduced myself. My name is Japan and I am a country.

Edited 2012-03-21 09:06 (UTC)

[...idiot. He's an idiot. A paranoid, frightened idiot. And as Luke slams into him, as Asch feels those arms around him, the way they cling, the way his replica's face is buried, the sheer desperation flowing into the link, so forceful that Asch finally releases it, lets it settle into the back of his mind so that it's no longer so painful... as all of this happens, Asch finally realizes how much he's allowed Luke to come to depend on him. He realizes just how far they've gone, how deep into this hole they've fallen with one another.

He can't allow this to continue. He can't- it's not- it isn't healthy. What would Luke have done if he'd been sent back to their world for good? Would it have broken him entirely? This... isn't right.

Asch's hand lifts, hesitantly, shaking a little bit. It hovers over Luke's back, but doesn't touch, reluctant to encourage this any further.

They can't... depend on each other like this...

Don't leave. He knows that's what Luke is trying to say. And it hurts, god does it ever hurt, so much that it actually surprises Asch, feeling his chest ache and burn. Don't leave.

...but... I have to.]

[Of course it would happen -- if not this particularly, then some other incident... though Van must admit mild surprise at it not being an incident that he himself caused.]

You still have a place at my side. All you need to do is take it.

[Asch scoffs quietly, almost ready to dismiss the suggestion, but he forces himself to pause. Van is serious. He honestly believes that this is something Asch might choose, let alone even consider. Have they really come so far in that direction once more, after such a terrible falling-out? Is Van truly ready to invite him back?

And would Asch even dream of accepting the offer?]

Why should I do that? That would be asking me to trust you. I thought that wasn't something you could offer.

[Why?

why why why why why no stop it

It's not

It's not like he'd never see Asch again. It's not like he can't keep up with him. It's not like... they aren't friends anymore...

What if he hates me again what if everything we did was for nothing what if stop it.

His arms shake a little, and he clenches his hands into Asch's shirt. His throat hurts. There's a lump there he can barely even swallow past and it hurts and it's stupid and he's being stupid. He does, at least, lower his head enough so that instead of his face his forehead presses against his shoulder, but...

But... he's lived with Asch ever since he arrived in Luceti. Just thinking of him leaving now is...]

Edited 2012-03-21 09:31 (UTC)

[Another pause, another hesitation, and- his hand rests against Luke's back. An indulgence. A small one, but... even so.

It's all he can do. Because he is leaving, because he won't be coming back. Because last week was the last time they would live under the same roof.

Because sooner or later he'll have to tell Luke where he will be living from now on, and that's going to change things even more.

Maybe it's an indulgence for himself, too. Maybe they'll be enemies again.

Maybe this'll be unforgivable.

Don't hate me for the choices I've made.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But he's not- not completely. Because this - this pain, this loss, this suffering, the sight of his replica in such lonely agony - hurts less than the thought of sharing a home with Guy.

Don't hate me. Don't hate me.]

[I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed.

I'm sorry.

The feeling of the hand on his back just makes his hands clench harder, and his eyes to squeeze shut as he fights against his emotions for a moment. Because this... this reminds him of when they promised not to leave each other. And here they are.

What will happen now?

What will Asch do? Where is he going to go?

What will he do?

Don't hate me. Don't hate me.

Because that is one thing he fears, so so much. That one day Asch will go back to pointing a sword at his throat and calling him worthless, a reject, a dreck, and for those words to have that same biting tone as before. Not the one he's used to now, the one where he knows it's just a word, just something they're both used to. He's not sure if he could handle that, to be truly enemies again.

Don't hate me. Don't leave like this.]

Why should you be alone, when there are people willing to set the past aside, who want you by their side?

[Van isn't, truthfully, able to forgive him, nevermind willing. For all of the ways in which he feels Asch wronged him, he'll carry a grudge for the rest of his life. But why should that matter, when there are such things they could accomplish? ...Things that Van knows he cannot achieve alone.

His wayward student can make it all up to him, if only he'd come to his senses.]

Everything we wanted to accomplish -- we both wanted to accomplish -- is within our reach, if we work together. Is that worth nothing to you? Or do you find me so untrustworthy that it isn't worth the risk?

...If you do, it does make me wonder. Do you think I left my most capable adversary unwatched? [The person he's put the most effort into watching being, of course, Asch himself.]

[It's a long, quiet moment that passes between them, but Asch finally speaks up. He doesn't let go, or push Luke awake, or scold him or get angry. Even though a part of him wants to. A part of him wants to rage at him or hate him or yell. Because Luke's the one who did this. Luke's the one who brought Guy to their home, knowing what he knows, knowing their history, knowing what it would do to him. He did this. Asch should hate him for driving him out like this.

But he doesn't. He can't. Maybe he's not capable of that sort of hate anymore.

...no... that's not it, either.

He just doesn't hate Luke.

It's... a refreshing realization, so much that Asch makes a faint, choking noise in his throat that might almost pass for a chuckle. Pathetic, that it took this long, that it took this mess they've created for themselves here. To admit such a little thing. To let go of a hatred he's clung to for so many years. To feel that tension, that anger, drain out of him, like an old infection finally being purged. To feel it there and just... let it go.

And laugh, quietly, chokingly, because it hurts to do even that. And to speak, breaking the silence at last.]

This doesn't change anything.

[He knows that, actually, in retrospect; he knows the real reason for Van choosing this location. It's the same reason he'd suspected the man was living here since their chance encounter on the stairs. Of course he'd be watching. Asch is the one he wants at his side. Asch is the one he - well, at this point, at least - still needs. And even if Asch knows differently, that in defeating him Luke will have proven himself worthy of acting as his replacement even in this... even if that betrayal still hurts as much as anything else Van has done, he still wants it.

He wants to be the one to change the world with his master. Not Luke. Not the replica.

Him.

And damn this man for understanding him, even after everything that's happened.]

Maybe- being alone is better than trusting you.

[Dammit, even with all the forcefulness he can muster in his voice, he still doesn't sound convinced. He's not in a good emotional state for this conversation right now.

...Which is precisely why Van's even talking to him, he knows. Dammit, dammit, dammit.]

[Luke felt like there was a choking hold on his throat, and yet that was the thing that kept him safe over a pit where he didn't know what was at the bottom. He knew this was his fault, he knew he ought to be dropped even though he didn't want it, he knew what awaited him. It was awful. It seemed like every damn thing that happened was his fault.

But then Asch says those words, and instead of falling, he's pulled back to the edge instead, and slowly that hold on his neck is loosening. It makes him open his eyes - a couple of tears slip out, dammit, and for him to freeze up a little. This... what?]

It doesn't?

[His own voice sounds choked, too, because talking hurts right now. He presses his lips together and shuts his eyes again - stupid.

... But somehow that crushing pain in his chest is... lessening, little by little. With what Asch said, with some... unnameable realization starting to come to him. He just has to grasp it, and maybe... maybe he'll - they'll be okay.]

...Idiot. You're so busy clinging like a child, you aren't even looking.

[And that's when Asch pushes him back at last- it's not a rough or violent push, or anything like that, but definitely a meaningful one, forceful enough to even pry loose Luke's deathgrip. Enough to make Luke see more than the black of Asch's robe or the blur of his own tears.

Enough to show, if Luke has the sense to look, that there's still a silver pendant hanging from Asch's neck.

He really is such an idiot, isn't he...? It's not as if Asch wants to leave. Circumstances have forced his hand.

It's that simple. Painful, yes, but ultimately very simple.]

I was willing to let you leave once, if that was how you truly felt. Why wouldn't I let you leave again, if you changed your mind?

[It's not surprising that Asch is resisting. If he's ever been anything, it's stubborn. But as protests go, it's nothing more than a pale imitation of resistance. They both know there's nothing worse than being alone.

Van saw to that personally.]

[It's familiar, this experience- to have lost a home, a... family, in a sense, or as much of one as Luke and their miniature zoo have become. Not that he'd openly admit it, but hey, it's better than the alternative, which up until now was nothing.

And it's true. Being alone is too painful, too cruel. Too lonely. And even though he'd packed all of his things and prepared himself to leave all of this behind and depend on no one but himself, suddenly Van's offer is almost... welcome.

He doesn't want to live alone. He doesn't. It's been years since he's been forced to do anything alone for more than a matter of days. The prospect of managing day by day without anyone else there is...

...no.]

Where...?

[He doesn't know where to go from here. It hurts his chest, burns in his throat a little, and he doesn't want to admit it. But... if it's freely offered...

At least... he could keep an eye on Van for the others this way, right...?]

[It's a bit of a shock when Asch pushes him away - it's different than the other times it happened. Not too forceful, but enough to get his attention. His arms are still raised up a little, and he wants to duck his head so that Asch won't have to see those tear tracks, those bright eyes. But he doesn't, because he feels like Asch pushed him away for a reason. So he stares at Asch, and then something catches his eye -

... And he looks a little dumbfounded. Open mouthed and wide eyed, arms still hanging uselessly in the air.

He's still wearing it after all. It's actually there in the open, too, not hidden behind a collar like it had been for a while. Just as real and there as his is, silver against gold.

Finally, he thinks to shut his mouth and lower his arms and head. It's still painful, terrifying, depressing and lonely. But that desperation is ebbing away, and... so is some of that fear, really. It's a different sort of fear, not that stinging one from earlier. This one is just... from uncertainty.]

... I really am an idiot, aren't I? [And he lifts up a hand to wipe at his face. He sure looks like one, too.]

Yeah, you are. House Fabre has some stupid genes. [Not in this case, though, not for him- and he firmly believes that. It was right to leave. Maybe not right to leave secretly - look where it got him, after all - but even so, there's no way he could have worked out a way to remain living there. And at least Luke seems to understand that now. And maybe a few things will change- it's inevitable, after all, what with the shift in living arrangements, but... Luke'll be alright.

If there's one good thing about Guy showing up, it's that this idiot will still have someone to look after him, with Asch gone. And with his body falling apart... maybe someone who'd be more sympathetic to his plight is better to have around the place.

It's also a convenient way to hide the state of his own body's deterioration. Two birds with one stone.]

[Much better. Asch's life would be so vastly improved if he'd just stop overthinking things; particularly things where Van is involved. After all, doesn't master know best?]

We can find a house, away from this building. We can choose it together. Now, if you'd like. You can put your things in my apartment. Would that suit you?

[See, Asch? See how he's willing to just uproot his nice, settled life in a moment, all for you? Would the replica do that? Would Guy do that?

Not that there won't be a price to pay for such kindness and generosity, eventually. That's just how things are between them.]

Mm.

[Yeah, it does. Asch is stupid, too, for leaving them - him like this. For not talking it out before. At least, if Luke left, he'd have talked to Asch first. But there's no point in thinking about that now.

He shuts his eyes and brings his hand up to grip Asch's forearm. Yes, this was for the better. But he knows that Asch shouldn't be alone. He knows it as well as Asch does, and if he's already moving...]

Who're you staying with?

[He keeps his eyes shut. Maybe a year ago, he genuinely wouldn't know. But now that he's been with Asch all this time... There's this feeling lingering over him. The way Asch was holding him in return, that desperation in the link (which, thankfully, has lessened enough so that Luke doesn't look like a lantern anymore).

He won't want to hear the answer. He knows that much.]

[But what would he be without excessive thought? His replica, probably. God forbid, that would be a nightmare.

He glances down at his pitiful collection of things, the box holding what little valuables he's carried with him over the years in Luceti. His clothes were still in the apartment, as was the Key of Lorelei, hidden between a pile of Daath-style robes. There wasn't really much to move at all.

He could be out of there and in a new place by morning.

With Van.

...Really? Could he really...?]

...I've heard the Welcome Center keeps a fairly updated list of what sort of housing is available for newcomers.

[...A...pparently he could.]

[Asch's gaze drifts briefly to where Luke's hand holds him, lifting a single crimson brow.]

Why would you assume I'm staying with anyone?

[It's a sensible question, really; Asch has been a loner by nature for a long time, and it wouldn't be so jarring a concept to suggest he live on his own for a while. He'd managed it before. Even if it's been... a long time.

It's a pointless stalling tactic, though, and he has a feeling Luke already suspects something else is going on, so he shrugs off his reluctance and forges ahead.]

Van made an offer I couldn't refuse.

["Why should you be alone?"

...Yeah, it was enough.]

[Luke knew he wouldn't want to hear the answer.

It doesn't stop that hand from suddenly gripping into Asch's arm and for his eyes to just squeeze shut instead of that calm look from before, and that crushing fear to sweep over him again. He tries to push it off, but -

Van hates him. Van thinks he's trash. Less than that, Van thinks he's nothing. An it. Van ruined both of their lives and ripped it to shreds, and Asch is -

How can Asch say that this won't change anything between them if he's staying with him?!

Luke's eyes snap open as he looks up at Asch.]

Van?! Why?!

I told you, he offered. [Again, a simple answer to a complicated problem. Though there's more to it than that - at least, that's what Asch is going to tell himself from now on - so the replica may as well know that part, too.] Look, Van is too much of a wild card to just let him run loose without someone keeping an eye on him. And he's even more dangerous now that he has Sync and Arietta here with him. His invitation is a convenient excuse for me to watch what he does.

Would you like a hand? [There are many other questions she would like to ask about the box, too. What's it for? What's in it? Is it a pet? Does it have pretty hair, too?]

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