[The corner of Asch's lips quirk, just a little, barely enough to be noticeable. Why, indeed. It's such a loaded question, a mountain of emotions and memories and hatred and pain and one-sided, quiet adoration, too much for a single word. He can't see Guy's face, can barely even guess- damn that man for always being so good at hiding how he feels. But he can hear that heavy tone, feel the weight of it hanging in the air. In that sense, too, being blind is easier.
It bothers him, knowing what Asch did, not knowing why. Not understanding. That surprises Asch a little. He'd wondered if that would matter.
Guy had always been the one who'd thought that he had understood Asch. It's somewhat satisfying now to have caught him unawares.
On the other hand, he can't give an honest answer- not truly honest, not really. Not when it carries so much with it, just as much as the question, just as much as that knife, still twisting, always twisting.
Because if I had let you kill him, it would have changed everything for you, but nothing at all for me. Because I'd still be on the outside looking in on everything I want and everything I can't have.
Because it could have destroyed you, knowing that you killed him. Because I couldn't stand to watch that happen. Because I've never wanted you to suffer. Because letting you kill me was the best way to cause the least amount of suffering for all of us. Because he doesn't deserve it. Because I don't hate him anymore.
Because he's mine.
Because I couldn't watch him die.
Because he's already dying.
Because I'm already dead.
But the words are too precious, too close for him to just share them with Guy. With this Guy, the one who doesn't know him, who'd never wanted to. He won't say the words aloud because they might be met with mockery, or disdain, or simple ignorance.
Because they won't matter, in the end. They won't change anything.
Why?
Why not?
He smiles more obviously now, the expression a little dark, and lifts his shoulders in a small shrug. His voice is suddenly more casual, dismissive, almost careless. Almost. He's willing it to be, forcing it, clutching the sheets so hard his knuckles are going red. Just say it. Say it, get it out there, let him hear it. Let him here what he wants to hear - the cold, arrogant, selfish reason, the one that will let him keep believing what Guy has surely always believed.
That he's just like his father.]
The fonic link is stronger here- closer than it ever was in Auldrant. Breaking it now is painful; you must have seen the state Luke was in last week. You can't possibly-
[He halts there- it's getting too personal, too close, too painful, and he can't let it show in his voice. Not in the middle of that. He swallows and tries again.]
On the other hand, death here is temporary, and the penalty for it isn't permanent either. It was just a matter of weighing out the pros and cons. Let the replica suffer my death, while I return in a week's time with some minor setback. It was the logical choice.
[It's a fairly obvious lie with only a smattering of truth, even if he's trying his best to make it seem convincing; obvious, at least, if Guy wants to think about it, wants to take it at anything but face value. It's an offering more than anything: an escape, a chance to shrug this whole incident off as one more lash at his replica, one more slight, one more way to hurt the one he's supposed to hate. Guy can believe him. He can get angry for intentionally hurting Luke and go back to hating Asch and everything will be the same as it was before.
It's why he did it. Not to save anyone. Asch the Bloody doesn't help people. Asch the Bloody doesn't do anything for anyone but himself. Asch the Bloody is the son of Duke Fabre and he deserved to die. It's better this way.
He took the hit for Luke because, if this confrontation happened, if Guy came to see him and to ask him why, there was always a chance that it could result in nothing changing at all. And if nothing changes, then it's fine, it's fine, because he'd never hoped for anymore more than that anyway.
[Action] how many hearts have we ruined for each other now
It bothers him, knowing what Asch did, not knowing why. Not understanding. That surprises Asch a little. He'd wondered if that would matter.
Guy had always been the one who'd thought that he had understood Asch. It's somewhat satisfying now to have caught him unawares.
On the other hand, he can't give an honest answer- not truly honest, not really. Not when it carries so much with it, just as much as the question, just as much as that knife, still twisting, always twisting.
Because if I had let you kill him, it would have changed everything for you, but nothing at all for me. Because I'd still be on the outside looking in on everything I want and everything I can't have.
Because it could have destroyed you, knowing that you killed him. Because I couldn't stand to watch that happen. Because I've never wanted you to suffer. Because letting you kill me was the best way to cause the least amount of suffering for all of us. Because he doesn't deserve it. Because I don't hate him anymore.
Because he's mine.
Because I couldn't watch him die.
Because he's already dying.
Because I'm already dead.
But the words are too precious, too close for him to just share them with Guy. With this Guy, the one who doesn't know him, who'd never wanted to. He won't say the words aloud because they might be met with mockery, or disdain, or simple ignorance.
Because they won't matter, in the end. They won't change anything.
Why?
Why not?
He smiles more obviously now, the expression a little dark, and lifts his shoulders in a small shrug. His voice is suddenly more casual, dismissive, almost careless. Almost. He's willing it to be, forcing it, clutching the sheets so hard his knuckles are going red. Just say it. Say it, get it out there, let him hear it. Let him here what he wants to hear - the cold, arrogant, selfish reason, the one that will let him keep believing what Guy has surely always believed.
That he's just like his father.]
The fonic link is stronger here- closer than it ever was in Auldrant. Breaking it now is painful; you must have seen the state Luke was in last week. You can't possibly-
[He halts there- it's getting too personal, too close, too painful, and he can't let it show in his voice. Not in the middle of that. He swallows and tries again.]
On the other hand, death here is temporary, and the penalty for it isn't permanent either. It was just a matter of weighing out the pros and cons. Let the replica suffer my death, while I return in a week's time with some minor setback. It was the logical choice.
[It's a fairly obvious lie with only a smattering of truth, even if he's trying his best to make it seem convincing; obvious, at least, if Guy wants to think about it, wants to take it at anything but face value. It's an offering more than anything: an escape, a chance to shrug this whole incident off as one more lash at his replica, one more slight, one more way to hurt the one he's supposed to hate. Guy can believe him. He can get angry for intentionally hurting Luke and go back to hating Asch and everything will be the same as it was before.
It's why he did it. Not to save anyone. Asch the Bloody doesn't help people. Asch the Bloody doesn't do anything for anyone but himself. Asch the Bloody is the son of Duke Fabre and he deserved to die. It's better this way.
He took the hit for Luke because, if this confrontation happened, if Guy came to see him and to ask him why, there was always a chance that it could result in nothing changing at all. And if nothing changes, then it's fine, it's fine, because he'd never hoped for anymore more than that anyway.
No.
Because...
Because I wanted to see if you'd care.]