dissonates | [Action]

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[Action]

[It's morning, and Asch is paying a visit to the smithy to look into getting his Maestro sword sharpened; it's been a while, and you can only do so much without giving it a proper filing. While he's there waiting for his request to be processed - or waiting for a free spot in the workshop to do it himself if necessary - he browses around the store at the new arrivals, wanting to check on what kinds of blades have shown up. And that's about when he stumbles upon something he definitely wasn't expecting to see.

So within a few hours, Asch can be found heading home through the snow with two swords, one at his hip and the other simply carried by his side, though he's careful with it, as if it's some kind of sacred weapon. He's looking for someone specific, but feel free to stop him en route to House 5 if you're around.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't turn the question on me when you're the one who suggested doing this in the first place.

You're the one who tried to leave, Asch. You told me you wanted to get away from me- and you did, even if I had to push you to get you to do it.

I don't understand what you want from me. Why did you come back if you still didn't want to be near me? If I had any boundaries I wanted you to respect I'd have told you what they were. If I didn't want you around I wouldn't have asked you to come back at all.

[Guy buries a hand in his hair, making a noise of frustration.] Why are you waiting for me to make all the decisions? If you don't want me to do something, tell me not to do it.

[Asch is silent for a while at that, hands clenching into fists at his sides. Why did he come back? Why? It would've been better for everyone if he'd just stayed away. How can anyone expect him to deal with Guy's problems if he can't even deal with this properly?

He thought he could handle it, and this whole time he's been proving himself wrong. Dammit, dammit, dammit.]

...I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. I don't know how to stop thinking about it, or to stop wondering what's okay and what isn't. I don't know how to go back to thinking of you as just... Guy.

[Guy stares at a spot just below Asch's chin instead of his eyes, hand working through his hair a few times as he sorts out what he wants to say.]

Then don't. I haven't gone back to thinking of you as "just Asch." I probably never will.

Then how am I supposed to act around you? What does "splitting up" even mean?

It means-...

[It means he's giving himself an ultimatum. He sighs.] It means I'm making a decision for you again.

That time when you packed up and left the house, what were you going to do if I hadn't tried to stop you?

...I don't know. Disappear for a while. Probably come back on my own when-

[When what? That's something he hadn't really asked himself before.]

...When I thought you'd have gotten over whatever it was, probably. Or when the replica came back.

You...

...you threatened to leave me because you thought I was throwing a tantrum?

That's not what I said.

You were going to leave and come back when I got over it. Got over what? Got over whatever had me upset at the time, or got over my habit of using you as an emotional punching bag?

I don't know, alright!? I just needed to get away before I lost it!

[Guy blows out a breath and gives Asch his back, rubbing his forehead and leaning against the doorjamb.]

...Asch, can I ask you something?

[Oh geez. Asch already has a feeling he isn't going to like this any more than he liked the first question.]

...What?

Why are you going through all this trouble if it's easier for you to just pack up and go? If that's what you prefer to do?

It's not- that's not what I prefer! I made a choice, and it was wrong. It's not the first time I've done it.

So what are you going to do about it then?

[Guy why are you asking all the hard questions.]

...I still don't know. I'm here, aren't I? Isn't that a start?

You're here in body and that's it. You're ignoring me in every way that you possibly can without outright leaving again. I feel like I'm making you angry just by existing.

[Guy exhales, his back still to Asch.]

I know that's not how you feel. It's easy enough to assume that you're just awkward about this, but even I can't survive on assumptions. I wish you'd just open your mouth and talk to me sometimes, instead of leaving me to deduct these things on my own just because I can.

["If you can figure it out by yourself, why don't you?" ...is what he wants to say, but even Asch has enough of a brain-to-mouth filter to know that's not the right thing to say. He has to give himself some time to ponder that one over; repeating the fact that he's terrible about this sort of thing would be redundant to the nth degree. Lying would be counter productive. Explaining himself...

...probably disastrous, since he's almost certain it'll only come out wrong. But at the moment it's the only option with an ounce of potential.

Here goes.]

...I'm not angry. I'm... frustrated. I don't understand how I'm supposed to help you the way you want me to when who I am is part of the problem the start with. I want to help but... I don't know how, either. Do I just listen? Do I push you? All that ever does is cause fights. How do I help without fighting you?

[Guy deflates.

He doesn't know either.]

...I don't know.

I just know that I hate it when you hold me out at arm's length.

[It's not like Asch enjoys it either. But...]

...I...

...

[Dammit forever.]

...I'm scared. That it's over. That we won't be able to fix this.

[He hates admitting it, he hates it. It's weak, it's a defeat, it's just as terrifying to say it aloud.

But it's the truth.]

...I still love you.

...But is that enough?

It's a start, isn't it?

[Not a very good one, really. But it's true nonetheless, so Asch can't help but nod. Their feelings haven't changed, right? Even if... if their situation has.]