dissonates | Appointments Post

If I'm forced to tolerate my own replica every day, I can deal with the rest of you. I don't see anything strange about that.

... "the rest of us"? [ ... besides her and Luke, who could he be referring to? Huh. She shakes her head. ] It's just ... I really don't know how to describe it! You act so mean, but ... then you do these things that are kind. Do you really only care about yourself...? [ very rhetorical. cuz she don't believe that, either. ]

I care about myself because I can't trust anyone else. That's all.

[And no, he's not going to tell her why, or even about "the rest of us", either. She's lucky he's still talking after all she's said.]

[ Again, she pulls up short. .......... he doesn't trust anyone else? No one at all? .... ]

There isn't ... anyone?

[ ... that's ... that's so sad. ]

That's not your business either.

[Even if he did trust a few, it doesn't mean he has a reason to trust her.]

[ a little indignantly ] You're the one who said it!

You asked me a question and I answered it! I don't have any obligation to tell you anything I don't want to!

[Don't try to get all high and mighty about logic, little replica girl.]

Then don't say anything! Jeez, I swear you work at being impossible to understand. Do you ever... take compliments, or ... do you ever smile? [ He got her going, now he gets to deal with the ~~full life~~ consequences. ]

What the hell kind of question is that? It's not important or relevant to anyone!

It's relevant to you. [ softly, not raising her voice to meet his anger. ]

Shut up! Don't make me say it again!

[What the hell does this have to do with anything!]

[ ... he and Luke are possibly the most polar opposite people she has ever met. Which, considering the circumstances... there's a certain irony to it.

She's silent for a moment. "Why are you so angry?" is the question that's been on her mind this whole time, but that she hasn't asked. After all, she hasn't forgotten their first conversation. When he asked her if her original knew ... if that original had lost anything.

When she'd explained, he'd said nothing. Asch... she can only guess what he lost. Short, perhaps, of his very own life. But maybe ... in his shoes ... she'd be angry, too. ]

... I'm sorry. I guess I just ... think you should have a reason to smile too.

...Tch. [He doesn't respond for a long moment, torn between snapping or just shutting the journal. There's no reason for him to answer. There's even less reason to open up to her. She's the replica's girlfriend. He shouldn't mean a damn thing to her. On top of everything else, she's a replica herself.

Sympathy from her is the last thing he wants. So finally he just scoffs, pushing the journal away to avoid the camera.]

I must seem pretty pathetic to have replicas worrying about me.

[It's a little past midnight when Luke finds himself in front of the door to his apartment. He'd spent some time making sure everyone was okay, that they were all, in fact, alive and not suddenly dead, and telling his friends that they could go to him if they needed someone to talk to.

He's got the key to his apartment in his hand, but it shakes so much that he can't even fit it into the keyhole the first few times he tries. After a moment of fumbling, though, he finally manages it, and he opens the door and steps into the room, quietly calling out for Asch. Maybe he's sleeping... Maybe Luke shouldn't bother him, even though he desperately needs to see him. He needs to know he's really back, that Asch is here and safe, that... that everything's okay, despite him being soaking wet and covered in blood.]

A-Asch?

[Asch doesn't respond at first; he'd broken off the connection to a minimum once the fighters had been dragged off the battlefield and returned to safety, but the days and nights of lackluster sleep has taken its toll by now, and when Luke heads inside, Asch is already dozing on the table, his head resting on crossed arms. Vaguely, in his subconscious mind, he's suddenly aware of Luke's presence, but he's not quite ready to wake up yet, so he barely stirs.]

[Luke is just about to step forward to check Asch's room when he happens to glance to the side and see Asch at the table instead. There he was... Asch. He was really there, Luke wasn't hallucinating and was certainly alive. Probably. All those sleepless nights and so much stress and fear made all of his thoughts a little warped, so -

He had to be totally sure. And - why was Asch so still, was he - no, he's okay, he's... breathing. He's okay...

Luke steps up to Asch's side and swallows, hesitantly reaching a hand out to lightly graze his fingers against Asch's shoulder, as if he doesn't know if he should be doing this or not even though he has to.]

Asch, I... I'm back. Are you asleep?

[The reaction is instantaneous- when Luke's fingers touch him, Asch's hand lashes out to grasp his replica's wrist tightly, ensuring that he can't move away. Asch lifts his head, gazing forward with a bleary, half-asleep expression for a moment before his eyes shift to the side to spot Luke properly.

Still not letting go, mind you, but he's got other things on his mind now.]

...You're back.

[The grip on his wrist almost makes Luke think he's on the battlefield again, that someone's just grabbing him - an ally or an enemy, and his automatic reaction is to try wrenching his hand away, though it's impossible with Asch's grip.

But... no. The apartment was still there, the table was still there... Asch was still there, staring at him with bleary eyes and just now registering that Luke was back.

He was really back.

Luke summons up the will to bring up a shaky smile. This nightmare of his was finally over, wasn't it...?]

Y-Yeah... I look like a mess, don't I? [He voice sounds shaky and almost disbelieving, as if the reality of him being back home where it's... well, much safer than where he was is starting to sink in a little.]

[Asch nods absently, releasing Luke's wrist and glaring at his hand briefly - though whether it's a slight against his nerves or Luke himself, it's hard to say - before rubbing his eyes and sitting up.]

You stink, replica. Go take a shower.

[It's more than that- covered in blood, and wet like that, he's probably as miserable as he can get. Treating Luke like everything's normal is the only way he can think to deal with it.]

[Luke's not going to do that just yet. Asch was sitting up now, and - and he insulted him! Called him a replica! Said he stank!

There really was no denying it. Luke's image of Asch was usually a little kinder. Just a little.

So, despite the fact that Asch just woke up, and Luke is covered in water, blood and grime... his legs feel weak from the surge of relief, so he falls to his knees just as he moves forward to throw his arms tightly around Asch and press his face against his shoulder.

He was back, he was back, he didn't have to fight anymore, didn't have to kill, didn't have to stress or worry, he was back...]

[...What-

What-

What-

Asch just gawks down at Luke at first, unable to really wrap his head around the fact that Luke is hugging him. Actually hugging him!! It boggles the mind. If he's wanted attention this badly he should've clung to his girlfriend or something, someone who would actually give him the sort of attention he needs. As it is, he's just begging to be punched.]

What the hell are you doing...!?

[Luke had to be strong for everyone who knew him, even Xion, in the face of battle and in the aftermath of it. The last day was hard. It was hard for everyone... Luke had to build up whatever pathetic little walls he could make just to get through it. He would've been overwhelmed and probably wouldn't be sitting here hugging Asch otherwise.

Now he's here and he's not going back there. He doesn't have to see his friends struggling, doesn't have to see the loss of life, the light fade from the enemy's eyes. It's such a crushing relief that Luke can't let go, and he can't stop his breath from hitching and his shoulders from heaving a little, or that sting in his eyes. The real nightmare was over, for now. Now he only had to look forward to the ones in his dreams.]

I'm really back...

[Asch has to force himself to quell both his inner and very vocal protests at that, gazing down at his replica quietly. Did he- was he really that- does he have to-

...

Yes, he did, yes, he was, and- ...probably. Goddammit.

Looking back, he'd been there, once upon a time. In Daath, after the missions, before he'd resigned himself to feel as little as possible, he'd felt everything. Every death. And there'd been no one to hold him or coddle him or tell him it's okay. If Guy was here-

...

If Guy was here, he'd do that for Luke. Asch can't be what Luke needs. But right now, he's the only one around.

Resisting the urge to facepalm, Asch lets his hand drop down on Luke's head - it's not exactly gentle, but it's not really violent, either - and leans back in his chair, avoiding looking at Luke directly.]

...You idiot. Where else would you be?

[Luke wouldn't have been surprised if Asch didn't react at all; in fact, he was expecting him to push him away. So when he felt that hand on his head, just a touch, neither gentle nor rough, it's... more than Luke could ask for, really. It might not be a hug, but that's all right. This is all he needs from Asch.

... Quite honestly, he might be a little disturbed if Asch actually clung to him in return.

But that's far from his thoughts right now. "Where else would you be?" He takes in a hiccup of a gasp, and his lips tremble, and he can't stop it even though it's absolutely embarrassing to react this way in front of Asch.]

I th-thought I was... dead at first. We were surrounded and - and everything just... st-stopped. I didn't...

You're not dead. [Asch's voice is calm, even partially dismissive, showing no response, good or bad, to Luke's words.] That's not what dying is like.

[He doesn't move his hand; he'd brushed Luke's hair before, when they'd been fake brothers, when they'd been comfortable with one another like this. It wasn't like that anymore. He wasn't going to move.

He won't push Luke away, though. Not yet. He doesn't have to do anything but sit here, right? So he'll tolerate it for now. Just for now.]

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[Action, June 7th]

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