dissonates | Appointments Post

[Asch has to force himself to quell both his inner and very vocal protests at that, gazing down at his replica quietly. Did he- was he really that- does he have to-

...

Yes, he did, yes, he was, and- ...probably. Goddammit.

Looking back, he'd been there, once upon a time. In Daath, after the missions, before he'd resigned himself to feel as little as possible, he'd felt everything. Every death. And there'd been no one to hold him or coddle him or tell him it's okay. If Guy was here-

...

If Guy was here, he'd do that for Luke. Asch can't be what Luke needs. But right now, he's the only one around.

Resisting the urge to facepalm, Asch lets his hand drop down on Luke's head - it's not exactly gentle, but it's not really violent, either - and leans back in his chair, avoiding looking at Luke directly.]

...You idiot. Where else would you be?

[Luke wouldn't have been surprised if Asch didn't react at all; in fact, he was expecting him to push him away. So when he felt that hand on his head, just a touch, neither gentle nor rough, it's... more than Luke could ask for, really. It might not be a hug, but that's all right. This is all he needs from Asch.

... Quite honestly, he might be a little disturbed if Asch actually clung to him in return.

But that's far from his thoughts right now. "Where else would you be?" He takes in a hiccup of a gasp, and his lips tremble, and he can't stop it even though it's absolutely embarrassing to react this way in front of Asch.]

I th-thought I was... dead at first. We were surrounded and - and everything just... st-stopped. I didn't...

You're not dead. [Asch's voice is calm, even partially dismissive, showing no response, good or bad, to Luke's words.] That's not what dying is like.

[He doesn't move his hand; he'd brushed Luke's hair before, when they'd been fake brothers, when they'd been comfortable with one another like this. It wasn't like that anymore. He wasn't going to move.

He won't push Luke away, though. Not yet. He doesn't have to do anything but sit here, right? So he'll tolerate it for now. Just for now.]

[If Luke were in the right state of mind, he'd wonder how Asch would know what dying is like, and think about the scars.

But he isn't, and Asch's confirmation that he isn't dead just makes him all the more glad to be back. It kind of hurts to hug him - there are injuries practically all over Luke's body. But all of that doesn't matter right now. Not when he's finally away from it all. Another hiccup, and his voice sounds thick - and dammit, he can't hold back the tears now.]

I'm ali... I'm alive.

[Yet he had to kill so much to be sitting here now, to say that he's alive now. What right does he have to be glad he's alive when so many others don't even have that luxury...?]

[...Sigh. He really is such an idiot. With Luke crying like that, Asch doesn't have much to do- he can't contribute to the relief about being alive, and he's not particularly inclined to offer any more comfort than the minimal amount he's already giving, so instead he takes a moment to peer at Luke's body, checking for actual injuries beneath all the blood and muck caking his clothes.

And Luke's train of thought - what little Asch can decipher of it, since the link is all but broken off at this point - is a little irritating too. He's getting flickers of it, images, faint feelings of guilt and grief. This was more than just a series of simple battles. This was what it's like to fight in a war.

And the aftermath of war is one thing that Asch can deal with.]

...There's no shame in having a will to live. [His voice is quiet, just as calm as before, keeping his expression careful and distant, even if Luke isn't looking at him.] It's what keeps people alive, even when their bodies are broken.

[There's a fair amount of injuries once he gets past the blood that is both his own and some of other enemies and friends, and mud and rain. A large, dark bruise travels from his left cheek to the base of his neck, a small cut is on his other cheek, and gashes and bruises cover his arms. There are two cuts on his mid section, too, and that's all that can be visible. The rest are under his clothes. He had to sacrifice his vest, thankfully not his prized one with the demon face, when it got torn to even be salvageable. Luke didn't even think to get healed - he just wanted to get home.

Asch's words make Luke silent for a moment, though the guilt remains. Luke's had shame in his will to live for months now, and a few words aren't going to change that. But it does, at least, remind him of what he's fighting for. For will. The will to live, free will from the Score...]

I keep... t-taking that away. [He takes in a quiet, though still audible hiccup.] To try and... give it back to more people. [If that makes sense. Luke doesn't bother explaining himself, though. Next, his voice turns quiet and even shakier.]

I want to stop... but I can't.

[It doesn't make sense, actually, not really. But Asch either doesn't care or doesn't think it's a good idea to ask for clarification. It's all pretty inconsequential, when you put it into perspective; maybe Luke has a lot to worry about, and maybe it's worth worrying about, but hell- he's alive enough to worry about it. That's worth a lot more.

So Asch responds with a simple, vague, "mm" noise, fingers curling slightly in Luke's hair. He really isn't good with this sort of thing.

I wish Guy was here. Unwilling, that thought. He wishes it would stop coming to mind at inconvenient times.]

[Asch didn't understand... Luke knew he didn't, too. He's probably babbling... If Guy were here, he'd get it even if Luke was trembling and unable to speak properly.

I wish Guy was here. That thought is also unwilling, and also pops up at the worst of times. Luke wills that thought away. Asch was here... Asch was here and doing his best to talk to Luke despite him looking as pathetic as the insults Asch would bite him with. He even curled his hand a little...

Now that that's off of Luke's chest, he's starting to calm down a little. He still cries quietly, but he finally does loosen his hold and pull back enough to sit on his heels, looking down at the floor and wiping the back of his arm across his face - only to wince when he comes across a gash.]

S-Sorry. I should go - sh-shower now.

[Asch gives Luke a quiet glance for a moment, lips tightly pursed, then lifts a hand, eyes closing. A faint glow appears around them, magic flowing, and shortly after, Luke should feel a healing sensation. It doesn't last long - Asch is already tired - but it ought to leave the injuries pretty well closed over.]

...Don't bleed all over the floor. [His voice is quiet, a mixture of weariness and exasperation. He's not a dad, he's not a nursemaid, he's not your friend.

He's just... doing this for now. Because someone has to.

That's all.]

[Luke makes a soft noise of confusion and surprise once he sees the glow and feels that healing sensation. The gashes become cuts, the bruises disappear - the one covering his face and neck lessens, anyway, to his jawbone instead. He just feels... much better. No longer as miserable, anyway, like everything hurt.

He looks up at Asch as the magic fades, hears that tone in his voice. Yeah... he thinks he gets it, no matter how much it hurts to think it. But still... Asch stepped up when someone had to. He could have pushed him away and told him to shower again... but he didn't. He was there when Luke needed him.

It's enough.

For the first time in days, Luke smiles. It's just slightly pathetic - he smiles more on one side than the other thanks to the ache in his cheek and how down he's still feeling, and it wavers a little, but it's still there.]

... Right. Thanks.

[As he slowly gets to his feet, his right knee shakes a little, and he has to pause in his ascent before he straightens and heads back to the restroom, trying to hide how he favors his left leg.]

[He doesn't hide it well, but then again, Luke has never been good at hiding anything, really. Even without their link, it's obvious.

...Stupid replica.

He's done all he can for now, though- maybe all he can do, period. So once Luke disappears from view, Asch heads for his own room, shutting the door and aiming to flop right on the bed. He'll need a good rest after the last few days, even if he has a feeling neither of them will get one tonight.]

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