dissonates | Appointments Post

Don't be stupid. You said you reacted when you found out who he was, and that means he knows that you're aware of his identity. You've told him everything he needs to know about you: you're an ally to either me or Luke. That makes you a target.

[Ugh, this is why he hates working with amateurs.]

The less you know, the better off you'll be.

[ There is a bang, as she slams her hands on her desk and stands. She is glaring at the journal, obviously, abruptly angry, but she's just barely managing to restrain it. But only just. ]

What would you have done? I was scared! I don't think anyone in my shoes would have been able to stay completely calm! Besides... even if I'd never spoken to him, Asch, I was involved the second he got here, and you know it. [ Her voice quiets, then. With Van here... there was no way she wouldn't be involved in this. Somehow, some way. Even if she'd rather stay as far away from him as possible. ] If I'm in danger, don't I have a right to know what's going on?

[Ooh, a bang. He's so intimidated.]

No one's said you're in danger. I just said that you're a target. He'll try to find out what your relationship with us is, or if you're a friend of the others from Auldrant who know he's here, and once he knows the truth, he'll find a use for you whether you like it or not. Being recklessly nosy could get the dreck killed.

[ He may as well have poured a bucket of ice water down her spine. She falls back into her seat, ducking her head and bracing her forehead on the heel of her palm. ]

... don't call him that, Asch.

[ ... it's stupid, to push the issue now. But he hit, naturally, on the exact thing she's so terrified of, and she shuts her eyes. ]

I know. I'm sorry. I'm just ... [ I'm scared. ] ... you know, Van reminds me a lot of ... of a man I knew back in my world. His name was Xemnas. He was ... a lot like Van. Cruel and manipulative... it's like dealing with him all over again, only worse. At least Xemnas didn't pretend to be nice.

[Yeah, he knew that would work. He's quiet for a moment, considering those words - and the thought of anyone being like Van is both horrifying and not that surprising at the same time. All worlds have cruelty, all worlds have people who manipulate others. People don't change.

Part of why he kind of hates them.]

Van won't pretend unless it serves his purpose. The best call for everyone would just be to leave him alone and let him sort out his motives. He has no reason to attack or hurt people unless they know he's an enemy. Luke told you what his goal was on Auldrant, didn't he?

[TELL ME THE DRECK AT LEAST GOT THAT MUCH RIGHT]

To overturn the Score. [ In the most horrible way possible. She frowns in thought. ] Which he can't do here, since there is no Score... unless he had another goal Luke didn't mention, it doesn't seem like there's much for him to do... [ Except, perhaps, dwell on that illness. ]

Exactly. A world without the Score was his end goal, and here, he's reached it. This isn't something he could've predicted to happen- he'd never planned to live in the world he created, if his goals had been reached. If he settles here, he could be an asset to the village as a whole.

[To those from Auldrant, on the other hand... well, that's definitely a case-by-case thing.]

As for his other goals, they're... irrelevant.

An asset? Why? How would that benefit him? [ Genuinely confused. If Van is like Xemnas -- and there are similarities -- she reasons that he'd only help other people if it were for his own gain. Him being any sort of asset to the village kind of contradicts that thought. ]

He's not- [...Oh god, this is going to take some effort to say, isn't it.] ...He's not evil. He's done evil things, but ultimately it's just because he truly believes that what he's doing is the right thing. Humans are trapped in the will of the Score in Auldrant. It's bound to our existence. There's nothing he values greater than free will.

[A deep breath. This is hard- a huge part of him just wants to race out, find Van, and fight him to the death for some ridiculous sense of self-satisfaction. (And it would certainly be to the death- most likely his.) But he knows it would be foolhardy, precisely why he didn't want the entire village knowing about Van's past. Leave him be, and he could ally himself with them. Treat him as an enemy, and that's exactly what he'll become.]

In Luceti, we're not the ones taking away free will. The Malnosso, the Third Party, the experiments - our enemies are going to become his. He'll work towards gaining freedom as much as the rest of us.

[ For a long moment -- at least a few minutes -- she doesn't say anything. It's a difficult concept to absorb. She's aware evil isn't black and white, but understanding the enormity of Akzeriuth and what Van made Luke do... ]

... but what happens when he decides he needs the rest of us to make that happen? You know-- ... from what ... from what Luke told me ... even if we have a common enemy, that won't stop him from using the rest of the village like pawns if he thinks it'll help.

[Asch is all too aware of that possibility; she's speaking to the Number 1 Pawn, after all. He's considered it over and over, debated the chances, raged at himself for even suggesting that they just... leave him alone. It went against every goal he'd had in Auldrant for almost the entire year before he'd been brought to Luceti. But...]

If he makes that choice, we'll deal with him the way we used to. But it's better to let him make that choice with a chance of a few casualties than force him into it and put the entire village at risk.

[ She laughs weakly, the sound of it deeply unhappy. ] This is awful. It gives him all the control, and all we can do is wait. But what other choice do we have...?

[ There's a beat. ]

I'm still going to tell Luke I saw Van. I just won't mention the illness.

[Asch is quiet for a moment; does it give him the control? Maybe. But they can have their own agendas, too. Waiting is a pathetically simplified answer to what they could - or should - do. Two can play at the manipulation game here, and at least this time, they have the advantage of knowledge and experience. Van will need them.]

I don't care if you tell him. It's better if he knows, anyway. But he should at least try to avoid telling Van about you two, if he can manage that much.

[ Well ... that's easier for him. As much as she'll be involved whether she likes it or not, it's still really only in an incidental way. She can't see how she can act as an agent of change, here; how she can do anything but wait for the worst to come...

But that's another matter for another day. ] ... I think he knows that. [ With a very quiet smile. She knows Luke will be just as scared for her as she is for him. ] But ... if something changes... I know I don't need to know all the secrets, but if it's important, Asch ... can you tell me? I don't want to be left completely in the dark.

[A big request from someone who revealed everything there was to know in the first meeting with the man. Asch does give it a moment's consideration, though, if only because she has some talents that would be just as useful to them as to Van. He won't be able to trust her with information she might reveal to him, but... hm.]

If it's something I think can be shared, you'll know about it. [Either through him, or Luke, he has a feeling that she'll be well-informed of Van's behaviour. The more in-control of passed-on information that Asch can be, the better.]

[ It's as much as she's ever going to get from him, and she knows it. ] Okay. Thank you, Asch. ... I'll do my best to avoid Van from hereon out. [ With quiet, self-deprecating humor. ]

If you can't avoid him, try to at least pretend to act normally. Even if it's probably hopeless by now.

... I know.

[ There's a long pause, where she might end the conversation. But there is one more thing on her mind. ]

... Asch, my ... my other friends. ... I don't ... I shouldn't tell them, should I? [ It's clear that she wants to. ]

...I'd advise against it. [He's been wondering about that himself, but... really, it would just cause more harm than good.] I'd rather see what he does without him getting pronounced a villain. My concern is that it'd just end up a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Which, ironically, is something Van would hate, but...]

[ She is so unhappy with this situation. But what can she do? ] ... yeah. I understand. My two best friends... they might guess something's wrong. But if they do, I won't tell them everything. ... I think maybe I'll just tell them to talk to me if they run into a person called Van. [ Her voice is tiny. But she has to keep this a secret, somehow. It can't be risked, now, word getting out and Van hearing. ]

If it was anyone else, I'd probably say to tell them. Or tell everyone. But this is Van. He's not like any of the others.

[ She rubs at her face.

It hurts, lying to them. All of them. To Luke, to Asch, and soon to Axel and Roxas. It's a complicated game she's going to try to play. Who knows how long she can keep it up? ]

... okay. ... [ very quietly indeed. ] Thank you, Asch.

Don't thank me. It's for my benefit as well. [But he does give her a nod of acknowledgement, at least. Her cooperation is useful.]

Appointments Post

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