Asch the Bloody (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dissonates) wrote2020-05-05 11:33 pm
dissonates) wrote2020-05-05 11:33 pm
Appointments Post
Feel free to use this post for random threads, backtagging or forwardtagging, whatever. It can be Written, Action, Voice, or just a quick call on the journal system for whatever reason.
When you tag, please put a [Style, Date] in the subject line to start it out, eg.:
[Action, January 1st]
Thanks!
When you tag, please put a [Style, Date] in the subject line to start it out, eg.:
[Action, January 1st]
Thanks!
[Action, February 3rd]
[Luke doesn't open his eyes, just allowing his other senses to take over. In a way, it makes the link stronger, too, bringing another sort of comfort. The mental link is like... Luke isn't sure how to describe it. It's theirs. A new level of communication that no one can touch, it's like - like another world entirely.
It's like taking a break from the rest of the world for a moment, especially with his eyes shut.]
"If I didn't cause everything to go wrong back at home, I'd choose staying here over anything else. If I didn't think the world still needed me, I... Maybe this wouldn't be so hard. Maybe there's some other people who're like that."
[Action, February 3rd]
[Despite the words, Asch's voice isn't particularly snippy about it; instead he just sounds tired. Like the very idea of thinking about whether or not to go home is exhausting.
Inwardly he knows that Luke is probably thinking about what he'd also considered, though to a different extent than Luke himself: if either of them go back, they'll lose... well, this. Whatever this is, this strange but familiar comfort that they've grown to find in one another's company. This isn't a connection one can just replicate (ha, isn't that a sad irony) on a whim. It's something that only works between the two of them.
If Luke goes home, he'll lose this, and Asch will go back to keeping him at arms length, bare minimum. Hating and envying and wanting what he has.
If Asch goes home, he'll die and lose everything, and Luke will never know what they had.
That's what sacrifice really means. To stop Van- to save the world- the lives of two people mean nothing.
He tries to embrace that sentiment, let the emotion of it carry through the link in an attempt to reassure his replica - for whatever it's worth - but he's not sure if it's particularly successful. He just feels more indecisive than before.]
[Action, February 3rd]
It's just like this again. The needs of the many outweigh the few. Even if those few are precious, so very, very important, as close as lover, as close as a brother, as close as best friends.
That's what sacrifice is.
But...
It's so unfair. Why does it have to be us? Why does the fate of the world and the hate of the many rest on our shoulders...?
"You deserve it", says a voice, but Asch... the both of them...
He lets out a shuddering sigh, and he covers his face with one hand, dragging it down just a little to get a grip on himself. It's as if... for once, Luke is thinking of himself. There is a silver lining on his cloud, and there's one on Asch's too, even if his original can't see it. And to give it up...
Dammit.]
"Miserable? You make me sound like a stupid kid."
[Action, February 3rd]
[There's no venom attached to the comment, and instead Asch just sounds vaguely amused. He's always had the most twisted sense of humour at the worst of times, so he sees no reason to change his habits now.]
"Look, there's nothing childish about being unhappy with your own situation. People are always unhappy for one reason or another. What separates adults from children is what you do regardless of how you feel."
[He's had almost a lifetime of putting the needs of the world above his own - he understands the indecision that comes hand in hand with giving up what you want. Or, alternatively, losing it without a choice and not being allowed to take it back.]
[Action, February 3rd]
He doesn't want to give in to that burning feeling, that one behind his throat and eyes that he knows so well. He has no shame in crying, but he doesn't want to do so in front of Asch. His original knows the unfairness of situations like this more than anyone, and Luke feels like crying over it would just make him seem like a baby as a result.
So he holds it in as much as he can, frowning as if to hide it, and is just grateful that they're not using their voices.]
"But I don't know what to do. I'm letting people down no matter what I decide..."
[There's a small pause, but he voices his thoughts again before Asch can do so for him.]
"You know, when I first came here, before I learned that Auldrant wasn't as safe as I thought, I... I told myself I'd go back as soon as I got the chance. I promised myself, even. I believed in that with everything I had."
[Action, February 3rd]
[it's so easy to say that, when you first arrive- that you'll go back as soon as possible, that you'll jump at the chance to return home. He'd thought much the same way, carried away by his own outrage, his frustration, that burning need to go back and finish things. Especially with how close he'd been, both to death and to confronting Van. Just days away from ending everything, only to have it prolonged here for years, not knowing how or when his life will come to an end.
It really is a wonder that he's lasted this long.]
"The longer you stay here, the more of a home it becomes. You're established. You know people. Eventually the bond you share with the people here can be stronger than the one you have with your own world. That's what makes this place so dangerous."
[He's quiet for a moment, thoughtful and pensive, then adds more softly,]
"Maybe that's the real reason for why we've been trapped here for so long."