dissonates | (no subject)

...I don't know.

[Asch is quiet for a moment, a hush falling over the music of his soul, as if the entire orchestra is silenced as a ripple- a shudder- passes through it.]

But... I'm happy here. With no world to save, I've been able to change. If not for this place, I'd already be dead. Luceti has made me more selfish than ever.

Edited 2009-01-10 08:32 (UTC)

[Silence. Then-]

I'm happy here too. ...I... [Guy hesitates; it's still really hard to talk about his darker feelings. Like he's not supposed to.]

[Asch waits for him to continue, but with the reassurance of Guy's happiness, the music starts up again, softer now, meant to soothe and relax. There isn't much he can do for Guy, but he wants to keep trying.]

I...I don't want to go back home. [There, he said it. That wasn't so hard...maybe. Of course, now that he's said it he has to rush to explain himself.]

I believed for months and months that Luke would come back; I was the only one who did, besides Tear. Just us two. But after a while I- It just got to be- [Guy sighs, ducking his head.] I'm just...tired. I'm tired of hoping for it. And now that I'm here, with you, and Luke's here too-

They don't...they don't need me there, back home. I'm really not that necessary, and that's fine. Malkuth did fine without the House of Gardios before, they'll manage now. And everyone else, Tear and Natalia and Anise -and Jade, if he goes back- they'll be fine without me. We don't really keep in touch anyhow.

[Asch is quiet as he listens, eyes enigmatic, thoughtful. He remains silent for a long moment after Guy finishes, trapped in his own thoughts, unable to vocalize them until he's sure of what he wants to say. Even as he speaks, he buries his face against Guy's neck. He's so, so grateful the other man is there, but lacks the courage to say as much.]

I don't know what I want anymore. When I first got here, all I wanted was to go back. I had so much left to do, and I didn't trust Luke to do it for me. Not to mention he was here anyway. [A pause.] ... And I didn't want to have to watch you - the other you - and him together. It was one more thing that he had and I didn't, and I couldn't handle it.

[He sighs softly; this part's hard.] But then... the Guy that was here before started spending time with me, going out of his way to try and cheer me up. It helped. But I was just getting comfortable with things when he disappeared. The Malnosso brought back a Guy that didn't want anything to do with me. [Again, Guy gets a little squeeze, the warmth fading for a moment before he boosts it back up again. No need to make Guy endure the cold just because of a bad memory.]

...And then they brought you. You changed everything. And going back means losing too much for me to really want it.

...I'm sorry. [Guy closes his eyes, leans against Asch's side a little heavier.] I know it's technically not my fault, but...I'm still sorry.

It's not. It's okay. [Yet another pause; this would be a slow conversation, that much was certain.] I just don't want to go back to that. We're not from the same time. You're from a future where I'm dead... I'm from a past where you don't want me. Even if I manage to avoid dying somehow, it doesn't mean that anything will happen between us again. And I don't want you to forget everything we went through here.

I don't want to go a place where you might not come back.

[Aww, that was sweet, Guy. Asch can't entirely blame Lorelei's influence for the fuzzy feeling that comment causes, and he gives Guy's neck a grateful little nuzzle. He'd be kissing if he could, the sap.]

We'd be leaving a lot behind if we stayed. Is it worth it?

I don't know. This time stuff is tricky; would the world be destroyed if you stayed? [Guy closes his eyes, relaxing.] But if that were the case, I'd be dead right now.

[Asch purses his lips, eyes averting.]

From the sound of things, I didn't really do much in the end besides die and give the replica my hyperresonance. I've already done that here - Auldrant doesn't need me anymore.

[Guy scoffs, but knows it would be hypocritical to say anything so he wisely keeps his mouth shut.]

[He gets a jaded look anyway. As opposed to a Jade look, of course.]

Don't start. The point is, I don't want to go anywhere without you.

...I guess it would be against some cosmic rule if I went back with you. [Is still seriously considering it.]

[Asch's brows lift a little at that, barely visible in a sea of crimson fonons; the feeling of curiosity and sudden intrigue is more obvious.]

...What, and have two different Guys existing at the same time? I wonder if it's possible.

[It's tempting, to say the least. To be able to save the world, yet still have the one who meant the most to him right there... could things actually work out for the better, or was that being too hopeful?]

Technically...it shouldn't be. Unless it would do the same thing as the human replication theory, with the same isofons and everything. I don't know. [Guy shrugs.] I'd be willing to try.

[Asch is quiet for a moment, thinking it over carefully. Tempting, but there are definitely risks.]

If it didn't work, there'd probably be no way to get back or fix things.

[On the other hand...] ...But if it did, we'd have everything we wanted.

We'll figure it out when the time comes. [Guy doesn't want to get their hopes up but...well. A little hope never hurt anybody, right? Realism was overrated anyhow.]

Heh, yeah, that works. There's no sense in worrying too much when there's no way to get back yet.

[The conversation's gotten awfully serious, so to make up for it Asch cuddles up a little closer, attempting to press incorporeal lips against Guy's cheek. They need some happy music.]

[There's a brush against his cheek like a concentrated breeze, and Guy smiles and relaxes back against the underside of the bridge, letting out a deep exhale to watch his breath puff in the air before them.]

[Asch watches the river for a while, his fonic soul content to remain there as long as they could, but after a moment he speaks up again.]

I should probably come home soon... I can't keep hiding here forever.

[Guy has very mixed feelings about this, so he's going to go with the safe and neutral answer.] If you want to.

[Asch doesn't miss the vague answer, since he's done it often enough himself.]

...What do you think I should do?

I can't really give you advice on this one, Asch. [It's the truth, at least; he's not sure himself.]

I was afraid you'd say that. [He sighs faintly, frustrated.] I don't like my head getting screwed with, but I don't want to wake up naked in the snow somewhere when this is over. I'd never live it down.

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