dissonates | Appointments Post

[It starts around noon when Luke wakes up. There's a sudden and violent wave of despair before a mental block is hastily thrown up, replacing it with a dull, quiet trickle of distress. A look through Luke's eyes will see him walking through the apartment, looking at everything and trying to see if there's anything left, but there's a certain emptiness that's undeniable. The room he looks into that's supposed to be hers is completely empty, and everything that was hers that decorated the apartment is gone. The only thing left is clutched tightly in his hand - the ring she wore, the ring he promised to use as a real engagement ring in the future, when he was more of himself, their relationship, and the world they're in.

It doesn't take him long to feel too overwhelmed by the emptiness of their - his apartment and run away. When he stops, he finds himself leaning back against a tree, arms wrapped around his legs and face buried in his knees. He doesn't ever want to go back, doesn't want to talk to anyone, doesn't want anyone to find him and doesn't want to keep going.

She's gone.

She's dead.

It's over.

There's only one person he wants to reach out to, if only to let him know what's going on. And so the link opens again, and the feelings behind the newly opened passage aren't as strong as that first emotional burst, but it's still a deep, dark pit of everything festering in him, echoes of despair sounding from it.]

"Asch...?"

[Asch had been awake, of course, when the emotion began to seep in, and it was despairing enough almost to make him stagger. He'd felt that before, the ache and the emptiness, when he'd lost everything that ever mattered to him. It had been awful, heartbreaking, and it had taken him a while but eventually he'd learned to push it aside. Ignore it, burn those bridges, live on without that light in his life.

Not everyone can do that. Even he didn't do it alone.

When he hears Luke's voice, he's not surprised at all, giving himself a moment to gather his calm before responding.]

"I'm here."

[Despite how much Luke wants to be alone, the voice at the other end is something he practically latches onto. In the end, despite thinking he's not good enough or wanting to be alone or wondering if people would be better off without him, he still depends wholly on his friends and whatever they say to him.]

"Asch - " [The thought breaks, and he knows that if he were saying this out loud, he'd never be able to get the words out. He takes in a breath, more of a hiccup than anything, and continues.] "Asch, she's gone. Xion's gone."

"I know. I saw."

[The glimpses of the apartment, the feelings trickling through the link- they're both telling and familiar. Asch has been there, experienced that same dark unpleasantries, and while he isn't sure what to do with it when it's someone else's experience, he can at least recognize the signs.]

"Where are you?"

[He could check, of course - will, if he doesn't get an answer - but the answers to such questions are usually telling.]

[There's a long pause, enough for it to seem like Luke isn't going to answer after all. In truth, he just doesn't want to raise his head enough to look at his surroundings. And when he finally does, it's unfamiliar, and he doesn't care. Merely lowers his head again.]

"I don't know."

[....Yep. Definitely telling. Asch takes a moment to check, gently prodding at the link to search the area, tracking him down. He doesn't move- the answer wasn't really a message on whether or not he wants to be alone, though the link contact itself is a good sign of that.]

"...I see it. Try to stay calm."

[Calm? His girlfriend was gone. Luke could care less where he was, he could even be falling off of the world for all he cared. In fact, he felt an awful lot like doing that.

For all the despair he felt and all the hopelessness surrounding him, Luke surprisingly hasn't cried ever since the realization came to him. Now that he's out here, his eyes are red and his throat feels sore, but his cheeks have dried as well, and he doesn't feel the desire to do anything more than that.

Instead of affirming Asch's command or fighting against it, Luke is quiet for a moment before he goes on.]

"I-It's not just that she's gone, Asch. She's... dead in her world. She..."

[Oh, Luke. If he only knew.

Asch doesn't respond for a long moment, feeling uncertain, conflicted. There's no words of comfort to offer, not with his own personal feelings and experiences getting in the way- not when death sometimes feels like a freedom to him, even with his will to live, even with everything he'd accomplished. That painful yet persistent urge for it to all be over at last, when the alternative is living, and dying, and living and dying again and again until-]

"She was living on borrowed time. You should be grateful she was around for as long as she was."

[Not that he expects Luke to actually feel that way, but... perspective. Perspective is important.]

"Don't tell me what I should be feeling!"

[Anger lashes out like a whip crack, pushing against the link as if telling Asch to get out. Should be grateful? Grateful? How can he feel such a thing in the wake of all this? How is he supposed to just change his feelings at the flip of a switch?

Like a whip crack, though, the anger recedes, leaving that same despair laced with irritation. Grateful... He knows what Asch is trying to say, but it just didn't sit with him well.]

[Asch doesn't flinch, nor does he back off; Luke called him, after all, and he's not about to slink off with his tail between his legs, metaphorically speaking. He doesn't respond to the anger, though, simply remains quietly in place in Luke's mind, a silent presence that is meant to be neither supportive nor antagonistic. He can offer the truth and little else, and whatever pain or comfort Luke can garner from it is up to him.

He's not like Luke- he can't coddle, he can't hold hands and say it'll be okay. But he can stay. He can be a presence, for good or ill.]

[In all honesty, Luke had expected Asch to get angry and pull away from the link and leave him alone. It wouldn't have surprised him if anyone left him here, after all.

But he doesn't, and Luke isn't sure how to feel about it. He's grateful, yes, but not that Xion was here for this long, but for the fact that Asch cared enough to stay with him. He wasn't physically here, but he was a presence in probably the closest way possible that could never be mimicked: through the mind. At the same time, however... He really doesn't want to hear anything else like that. How he should feel and whatever else...]

"I can't... do that, Asch. Not right now. Maybe that makes me weak or whatever, but I just... can't."

[....]

"I know. I'm being stupid. I knew she'd leave someday... Just like everyone else does. I guess I just got... used to it. Her."

"I know."

[he pauses, then. No- it's more than that.]

"I understand."

[Losing a loved one, when death is a factor in that loss, or another world, or another time, or anything that doesn't match perfectly with your own reality? It's like a part of you dies, too. And even if they return one day, there are no guarantees. There are no happily ever afters or good endings or fairy tales. There's pain and cold hard truth. There's being the love of someone's life one day and the next a total stranger. Or an enemy.

One year ago he'd faced down the one he'd once loved like this and been murdered for it. For daring to love and daring to remember when he'd lost it all.

He understands this feeling.]

[... Luke definitely understands that. If Xion even returns, there's a huge chance that she won't remember anything. He'll be a stranger to her. And even though they had this - this fairy tale, perfect, "meant to be" aura, it's far more likely that he'll only be her friend. And he'll have to stand aside and watch all of this, quietly.

It's the painful, cold, hard truth. And he thought of that from the moment he realized she disappeared. It really is like he lost her; even if she hadn't been dead, even if she was alive and well, she's still from a different world.

It's over.]

"... I don't know what to do."

[In a way, he doesn't want to know. What's the point now?]

"...Mm."

[It's quiet, somewhat noncommittal, but a necessary acknowledgment. This, too, is familiar; it's part of why he'd left the house, burned it to the ground when Guy went home the first time. Destroy everything that made it theirs, start fresh somewhere else. Because destruction is all he really knows how to do.]

"You will. Given time... you will. Until then you're not obligated to do a damn thing."

[...

It's good, not being forced to get up and go. Even if he's still unsure what he's supposed to do, what he needs to do... Hell, what he even knows how to do.

What can he do? Piddle away at a piano? Ha.]

"Can I stay out here, then?"

[He'll go back, for sure. It's not like he can starve out here... And he's sure he saw letters when he left. But not now. God, not now.]

[Somehow, Asch understands his meaning; Luke isn't stupid... mostly. He knows that basic food and shelter is important. But Asch recognizes the need to get out, be away from the world for a while, even a few hours. He'd done it himself.

It's hard to go home alone.]

"Who's going to stop you?"

Appointments Post

[Fonic Link, May 13th]

[Fonic Link, May 13th]

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[Fonic Link, May 13th]

[Fonic Link, May 13th]

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