dissonates | Appointments Post

Appointments Post

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[Calm? His girlfriend was gone. Luke could care less where he was, he could even be falling off of the world for all he cared. In fact, he felt an awful lot like doing that.

For all the despair he felt and all the hopelessness surrounding him, Luke surprisingly hasn't cried ever since the realization came to him. Now that he's out here, his eyes are red and his throat feels sore, but his cheeks have dried as well, and he doesn't feel the desire to do anything more than that.

Instead of affirming Asch's command or fighting against it, Luke is quiet for a moment before he goes on.]

"I-It's not just that she's gone, Asch. She's... dead in her world. She..."

[Oh, Luke. If he only knew.

Asch doesn't respond for a long moment, feeling uncertain, conflicted. There's no words of comfort to offer, not with his own personal feelings and experiences getting in the way- not when death sometimes feels like a freedom to him, even with his will to live, even with everything he'd accomplished. That painful yet persistent urge for it to all be over at last, when the alternative is living, and dying, and living and dying again and again until-]

"She was living on borrowed time. You should be grateful she was around for as long as she was."

[Not that he expects Luke to actually feel that way, but... perspective. Perspective is important.]

"Don't tell me what I should be feeling!"

[Anger lashes out like a whip crack, pushing against the link as if telling Asch to get out. Should be grateful? Grateful? How can he feel such a thing in the wake of all this? How is he supposed to just change his feelings at the flip of a switch?

Like a whip crack, though, the anger recedes, leaving that same despair laced with irritation. Grateful... He knows what Asch is trying to say, but it just didn't sit with him well.]

[Asch doesn't flinch, nor does he back off; Luke called him, after all, and he's not about to slink off with his tail between his legs, metaphorically speaking. He doesn't respond to the anger, though, simply remains quietly in place in Luke's mind, a silent presence that is meant to be neither supportive nor antagonistic. He can offer the truth and little else, and whatever pain or comfort Luke can garner from it is up to him.

He's not like Luke- he can't coddle, he can't hold hands and say it'll be okay. But he can stay. He can be a presence, for good or ill.]

[In all honesty, Luke had expected Asch to get angry and pull away from the link and leave him alone. It wouldn't have surprised him if anyone left him here, after all.

But he doesn't, and Luke isn't sure how to feel about it. He's grateful, yes, but not that Xion was here for this long, but for the fact that Asch cared enough to stay with him. He wasn't physically here, but he was a presence in probably the closest way possible that could never be mimicked: through the mind. At the same time, however... He really doesn't want to hear anything else like that. How he should feel and whatever else...]

"I can't... do that, Asch. Not right now. Maybe that makes me weak or whatever, but I just... can't."

[....]

"I know. I'm being stupid. I knew she'd leave someday... Just like everyone else does. I guess I just got... used to it. Her."

"I know."

[he pauses, then. No- it's more than that.]

"I understand."

[Losing a loved one, when death is a factor in that loss, or another world, or another time, or anything that doesn't match perfectly with your own reality? It's like a part of you dies, too. And even if they return one day, there are no guarantees. There are no happily ever afters or good endings or fairy tales. There's pain and cold hard truth. There's being the love of someone's life one day and the next a total stranger. Or an enemy.

One year ago he'd faced down the one he'd once loved like this and been murdered for it. For daring to love and daring to remember when he'd lost it all.

He understands this feeling.]

[... Luke definitely understands that. If Xion even returns, there's a huge chance that she won't remember anything. He'll be a stranger to her. And even though they had this - this fairy tale, perfect, "meant to be" aura, it's far more likely that he'll only be her friend. And he'll have to stand aside and watch all of this, quietly.

It's the painful, cold, hard truth. And he thought of that from the moment he realized she disappeared. It really is like he lost her; even if she hadn't been dead, even if she was alive and well, she's still from a different world.

It's over.]

"... I don't know what to do."

[In a way, he doesn't want to know. What's the point now?]

"...Mm."

[It's quiet, somewhat noncommittal, but a necessary acknowledgment. This, too, is familiar; it's part of why he'd left the house, burned it to the ground when Guy went home the first time. Destroy everything that made it theirs, start fresh somewhere else. Because destruction is all he really knows how to do.]

"You will. Given time... you will. Until then you're not obligated to do a damn thing."

[...

It's good, not being forced to get up and go. Even if he's still unsure what he's supposed to do, what he needs to do... Hell, what he even knows how to do.

What can he do? Piddle away at a piano? Ha.]

"Can I stay out here, then?"

[He'll go back, for sure. It's not like he can starve out here... And he's sure he saw letters when he left. But not now. God, not now.]

[Somehow, Asch understands his meaning; Luke isn't stupid... mostly. He knows that basic food and shelter is important. But Asch recognizes the need to get out, be away from the world for a while, even a few hours. He'd done it himself.

It's hard to go home alone.]

"Who's going to stop you?"

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