dissonates | [Voice / Action]

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[Voice / Action]

...It's too quiet outside. When is that stupid holiday again? Whatever's going on needs to end.

[Private to Natalia]

Natalia... can we talk?

[He's nervous about talking to either of them, but- shortly after that entry is out of the way, Asch will be leaving his room to look for Guy and, if she says yes, Natalia, too. Unfortunately as soon as he leaves his room, his clothes are suddenly changed to this. Let's see how long it takes for him to notice. |D]

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You've said that before. [Asch doesn't resist his grip, though his eyes drift back and forth between their hands and eyes, like he isn't sure what to do yet.] And then whenever something happens, I'm the one who gets the backlash. Is that what being honest means to you?

[Actually...

No. Now's not the time.]

I'm sorry.

[Asch scowls again, pulling his hand away and taking another step forward as if to pass Guy- but he stops. Doesn't Guy deserve another chance?]

...Is it still because of me? Because of who I am?

[Guy reflexively reaches up to hold his opposite arm, rubbing it.]

...I don't know.

[Asch clenches his teeth, trying to bite back his anger. He doesn't want to end up saying something ridiculous, but it's hard, especially with how long this has been building up.]

I don't want it to always be like this.

[For a moment it feels as if Guy's tongue is glued to the roof of his mouth, before he swallows and asks,]

...do you...want to leave me?

[Asch can't answer right away- not until he gets one very important thing out of the way.]

....Why do you think I rarely traveled with your group on Auldrant?

...I don't know. [But he has a couple different hunches.]

[He hates explaining himself.]

It wasn't just because of the replica. You must know that much.

[That definitely sounds like an "I want to break up with you," to Guy, but maybe he's being fatalistic. He rubs his right arm again.]

Because of me.

[That's the second time Guy's done that. After a moment of hesitation, Asch reaches out to touch his hand, where it's touching his arm. The curse slot mark is still there, he knows. Maybe it's the memories that are getting in their way the most.]

I don't want to leave you.

[But he will if he's forced to.]

[Guy's hand stills when Asch touches it and he realizes what he's doing. He worries at the inside of his cheek for a moment, eyes on the toes of their boots. It feels like an eternity before he speaks again.]

Maybe you should.

You remind me of too many things I'd rather forget. I can't guarantee I'll ever fix this...habit.

If that's the case, then I'll ask you what you asked me: why did you let me get attached if this is how we're going to end up?

Because I didn't know. I don't-

Asch, I don't even notice half the time. I just... [For the first time in a long time, Guy seems to be unable to explain himself. He goes back to rubbing his arm, frustrated.]

And when I point it out to you, you get defensive and deny it's even happening. What do you expect me to do, Guy?

...nothing. I didn't expect you to do anything.

[...Sigh. Asch curses inwardly, closing his eyes, then tugs Guy's hand gently away from his arm, taking it in his own hand instead. His voice is quiet when he speaks again, a little uncertain, but not with the intention of sounding insincere.]

I know you don't do this with the intention of hurting me. That's why you don't notice, right? ...I get that. [It's a hard thing to acknowledge, let alone accept, but he can understand it.] And... I'm sorry. ...That I'm not better at telling you why I'm upset.

[It's his problem too, he knows. They both made a mess of all of this. Again.

And Guy's words creep back into his thoughts, against his will: maybe he should leave. He doesn't seem to be helping matters any.]

[Guy stares down at their hands instead of their toes, his posture tight and uncomfortable.]

...you don't have anything to apologize for. ["You never did."]

[Asch gives Guy's hand a light squeeze. His mother used to do that, on the rare occasions that she caught him looking nervous about something. Every little bit helped- that was the saying, right?]

There's only so much I can do. There isn't much you let me do.

[Guy presses the heel of his hand to his forehead; he runs through every instance in his mind. Every time things got to be too much, here in Luceti...back home, he would take his aggression out on the monsters they fought, or he would separate himself from the group to think. What has he done here? No monsters, not enough space to separate...

I took it out on Asch. Every single time.

He was like that before, he knows. He'd nitpick tiny details, criticize every decision Asch made. Look down his nose at him, chalk up all his inadequacies to his relation to that man. That man.

Is that really all it boils down to? Guy still hating Fabre, still bitter over Hod?

There wasn't any other explanation for it. He could list exactly why he loved Asch; he was strong, he was loyal. He was honorable, he was kind to those who needed it the most. He was steadfast with a powerful sense of justice and the courage to pursue the right course of action no matter how difficult the path might be. Guy had no reason to blame Asch for anything that went wrong.

No reason other than what was already there.

His hand tightens around Asch's and he ducks his head further, shoulders drawing up.]

I'm sorry...!

[Guy seems to have realized it, and while it's a relief, Asch isn't sure if he's going to like the results of this conversation. Hopefully it won't backfire on him or something. He hadn't wanted to make Guy feel guilty or anything, but... dammit, he really was tired of it. He'd gotten enough of that kind of treatment when Guy still hated him.

He lifts his free hand to grasp lightly at the material of Guy's vest, not sure of what to say. Maybe it's better if Guy just lets it all out.]

[Guy takes a brief moment to reorganize his thoughts and regain his composure before he gently removes Asch's hand from his vest. He takes a deep breath.]

Asch, I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop thinking of you as Fabre's son. [With Luke, it was easier. With Luke, there was the transition; he raised Luke from infancy to present date, and Luke had clung to him like a baby would. Sometimes he still did. Guy viewed Luke almost more as his than Fabre's.] So the only other option is for me to...get over this.

...I don't know if that'll ever happen either. I can't make you any promises.

[Asch isn't sure if he should be surprised or not. The thought that this situation might never change, that Guy might keep doing this... it's a little frightening, because he's not sure how many times he can just accept it quietly before he really snaps. He can understand why, and he can tell himself the reason behind it over and over, but that doesn't make it affect him any less.

So what's the right answer here? What is he supposed to do...?]

I can't promise you that I'll be okay with this, either. I can pretend, but I still...

[...he feels it, every time. And every time it hurts.]

I don't want you to pretend. You shouldn't have to pretend.

[Something clenches tight in Guy's chest.]

...maybe we should split up.

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[Action] I see you

[Action] shhhhh; I can't get on AIM, my boss should be visiting soon. after that, though.

[Action] /lips are sealed :|b

[Action] /seals lips 8|

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