dissonates | Appointments Post

[You don't do group activities yet, you mean.]

Really? That's great! She's a wonderful girl, isn't she?

[This one might take a lot more effort, bb.]

She's... fine. I usually don't get along with children, that's all.

[Maybe he's just biased because Anise has always annoyed the hell out of him.]

You don't? Why not?

[Her tone is curious, not accusatory.]

[He shrugs a bit carelessly.]

No particular reason. I suppose the best way to explain it is to say that I lack patience.

[And then, matter-of-factly:]

But you're very patient with me.

[She knows she can't be the easiest to put up with sometimes.]

You're not a child, either.

[This distinction is very important to him.]

Noooooooooooooo, maybe not, but I know I can be childish sometimes.

[Or rather, she has a childlike enthusiasm. But she doesn't make that distinction.]

There's a difference, trust me.

[Though he's not sure if he can actually explain that difference... maybe it's the degree of childishness or the length of time it exists, or. Something.

...This isn't about logic.]

[Uhuh...well, she won't try to make him explain it further.]

In any case, we've had a lot of success getting people to join the art club. It's a pretty big group, now.

Just how big are we talking about?

[So he has even more of a reason to avoid it!

...Or he at least can brace himself if he decides to show up one day.]

Well, I think there's usually around twenty-five people at our meeting? We usually get a better and better turn-out each time we have it!

[So he could make SO MANY FRIENDS there.]

[Or make so many people pissed off at him.]

I've seen a lot of groups come and go during my time here- people are fickle. I'm glad yours was a success.

Have you been in any of them? The groups, I mean. Besides the SOS Brigade, I don't know much about what else has been here.

Not really. I've assisted Brave Vesperia with defending the village when it was under attack, but the group in general didn't interest me. Construction isn't exactly one of my skills. Blue Rogues... I don't know what they do beyond patrols. And I think there was a book club originally, but I have no idea if that still exists.

[After this particular post went up, Luke found himself horribly conflicted. It'd taken him a long time to ask anything, and he still hasn't decided on anything.

He feels like he knows what he needs to do. But is it what he wants? Hell no; at this point, it's the last thing he wants. But...

But he doesn't have a choice...

It's without really thinking that he finds himself in front of Asch's door a little past midnight. He stands in front of it for a moment, as if warring with himself on whether he wants to bother his original and chance another snippy meeting with Arietta. But after that, he lets himself in, and he starts to look for Asch.

Where will he be found?]

[Working at the bar has gotten him used to late nights these days, so Asch is actually still awake, curled up against the edge of the sofa with his journal and a book, Tsuae wrapped halfway around his neck like a scarf. He looks up as the door opened, brows lifting and looking like he's ready to pounce in case it's an unwelcome visitor. Only when he recognizes Luke does he relax again; he hadn't been paying enough attention to his replica to notice his proximity via the link, but now that he's focused, he can sense no shortage of unease filtering through it.

Well. He didn't need the link to tell him that- it's written all over his replica's face, doubly evidenced by the fact that he's here in the middle of the night.]

What are you doing here?

[He takes in a breath, as if he's about to explain and answer that question...

But then he lets it out in a sigh, and in that same motion, he walks to the couch, flops down beside Asch, and leans over to rest against his side, head on his shoulder, eyes on the floor and holding his own elbows. Instead of talking, he lets his mind open up with words: what Jane said, his own response, how he feels, Auldrant, Luceti...

He hasn't really used their link like this in a while. And it's kind of relieving.]

[As tempting as it is to sink into his default response of snapping at Luke and shoving him off, the unease becomes even more evident with the physical contact and the effortless sharing of thoughts, emotions, worries. Concerns about home.

He'd seen the entry, of course- read it over, contemplated responding, but had received the answer he'd have looked for in the various comments and questions already asked. There'd been no need to get involved, especially since attempting to get himself home would basically be suicide. He hadn't been aware of Luke's reply, though.

Interesting. It's a long moment before he finally responds, quietly using the link, since Luke seems to take comfort in it for the moment.]

"Are you going to do it? Try to go back?"

[He knows Asch doesn't like physical contact. He's never been the type to be sentimental, unlike Luke. It's one of the things that makes them two different people, even if they share a lot of traits.

But even with that in mind, Luke still turns his head a little, further burying his cheek against Asch's shoulder. He's so emotionally exhausted, after he and Xion talked about this... after they clung to each other, so scared of the future, neither wanting him to go, nor feeling the right to fight against it.

It's one of the reasons why he wants to do this through the link. It's close, it's personal, but it's not having to use his voice or try to push through all the other emotions he's feeling.]

"I don't think I have a choice."

[Asch's hand tightens around his book a little bit, lips pursing, though he doesn't speak up right away. There's a slight ripple of emotion through the link, veiled concern and discomfort, confusion, mixed feelings all around. With the way they are now, after everything they've gone through, he feels like he's constantly walking a tightrope of hating this reliance on his replica and needing it, desperately and painfully. Which meant reciprocating things when he replica needed him.

It's disquieting, something he can't quite bring into words. But he understands completely the need to use the fonic link this way.

Luke's answer doesn't surprise him, not really; he has responsibilities, duties to attend to. Without him, without his hyperresonance and the Jewel of Lorelei, the world will be doomed to be destroyed by the miasma. Van still hasn't been dealt with. It really doesn't leave him with much choice.

Still, even without that surprise, he has to ask.]

"Why?"

[Unlike Asch, Luke doesn't hate his reliance on his original much, so he feels no shame in whatever he might feel about this. What little of Asch's emotions he felt, as a result, makes him give a weak wince and tighten his grip on his elbows.

If he went back, he'd lose this too. Not only would Asch go back to hating him, but he'd also lose this link that they have. Not that they never use it at home, but it's so brief, and Luke doesn't even have the control that he does now, nor is he as used to it. Right now, it's not painful at all unless it's intense, whereas at home even the slightest prod would cause a headache. Everything they've been through, everything they've done for each other, everything would be forgotten.

And god, he can't stand that thought. Luke's trying to cover some of the other things he's feeling, but how morose he feels over all this seems to leak through anyway. Why does he have no choice? Isn't it obvious?]

"Auldrant was safe and peaceful when I left. But ever since I came here, I realized that it's not going to stay like that for long. I can't just sit here and forget about all that just to stay here.

And... it's not like I have any right to stay anyway. After Akzeriuth..."

[After Akzeriuth, his entire being became tied to Auldrant. He can't just ignore that.]

"...Hm."

[It's not like Asch has any particular argument against such claims; not so much that a murderer has no right to that cliche "happily ever after" that everyone seems to seek out for some reason (generally they don't get it anyway- he knows that well) but Auldrant would be quite literally doomed without Luke. Particularly since his body, at the time he left, still carried the Key of Lorelei.

For him, it's much simpler. Asch can stay because he has no choice- he has nothing waiting for him back on Auldrant, no further contribution to offer the world he'd left behind. His role in the story is done.

Even so, it's still... tempting. To let it finally come to an end. Because staying means being trapped in a perpetual cycle of dying every time his dissonance acts up. Dist estimated two years, and he's already feeling it again. It's not like he wants to die, obviously, and he's aware of the fact that going back would be the same as killing himself, but... it's a matter of asking himself a question he's been trying to avoid since his time on Auldrant ended, since his goal of stopping Van was achieved by his own replica.

What else do I have to live for?

He hasn't really found an answer yet, one way or another. And while it's not like he can say all of that, his unhappy indecisiveness echoes Luke's own, though it's somewhat muted in comparison.]

"Have you spoken with Xion?"

Edited 2013-02-09 23:07 (UTC)

[There's a small pause, born from Luke feeling that same sort of unhappiness from Asch. It's a little concerning, and a small amount of it gathers in a corner of his mind.

What are Asch's thoughts on the matter? Will he go or stay? If Luke decided to stay, would they be separated still? Did it matter what choice he made? How would he deal with it?

... How would it feel for Asch, if they separated?

God, he's so selfish even when he isn't trying to be. At that, Luke lets out a sigh and shuts his eyes, allowing himself to better feel the warmth against his side and his cheek.

He really is pretty dependent on his original...]

"... Yeah. She's... really sad. I know she doesn't want me to go... but she's not stopping me either, if I do decide on that."

[He would go on; he isn't sure how she can do that, holding herself back in begging him not to go, as he's sure he'd do that. She's strong... Strong even when she feels such heartbreak.]

"That's mature of her."

[It's often surprising to him, how curiously wise and- frankly, adult-like some replicas can be despite only being a few years old. Xion and the Fon Master are the more noteworthy examples of this. Maybe it really is one's upbringing more than an inherent nature...

Thinking about Xion is a better distraction from his own uncertainties, as well, and he clings to that. He'd rather not think about whether to go or stay, what any of that means, and who he might or might not leave behind (and who would leave him, if he stayed) or if anyone would even care.

Not like they'll remember.]

"Assuming it even works, I doubt many people will choose to stay. It would be a quiet village with everyone gone."

[What a lonely, pathetic existence- a land filled with people who are essentially the walking dead, or those who have no place in their own worlds. A sad little community of outcasts.

There's that urge to leave, again. Ugh.]

"... I don't want to go, you know."

[Luke doesn't open his eyes, just allowing his other senses to take over. In a way, it makes the link stronger, too, bringing another sort of comfort. The mental link is like... Luke isn't sure how to describe it. It's theirs. A new level of communication that no one can touch, it's like - like another world entirely.

It's like taking a break from the rest of the world for a moment, especially with his eyes shut.]

"If I didn't cause everything to go wrong back at home, I'd choose staying here over anything else. If I didn't think the world still needed me, I... Maybe this wouldn't be so hard. Maybe there's some other people who're like that."

Appointments Post

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