dissonates | [Written

[The message, tossed on the journal some time in the early afternoon, is short, carefully scripted, and with the camera concealed to keep it anonymous. He has no intention of dealing with the aftermath unless he absolutely has to.]

Luke fon Fabre and Xion have returned to their respective worlds.

[A short while later, another message is sent privately, though not so anonymously:]

[Private to Buffy and Jack (Horner)]

I won't be at the bar tonight. Close it if you want, work the shift yourselves, I don't care.

[After that, he's in the wind. First he goes out into the woods to where Luke was when they last spoke, to check for any signs of what might have been left, then to Luke's apartment to scour the place; he returns with a necklace, a ring, the Jewel of Lorelei, and a lot of hollow feelings.

After that, it's off to the Battle Dome, where he'll spend the next several hours destroying every simulation he can come up with, working his way through several of them one after another. He'll only stop once in a while when, in the midst of his fury and frustration, his body decides it's had enough; his heart seizes up, protesting the way it's being overworked. It's yet feeling the relief of that fact that for the first time in years, the weight of Luke's presence, their connection, no longer exists. His dissonance has been halted but he honestly wasn't prepared for how it would make him feel.

He won't be home for a long time.]

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[What about shouting at the messenger, that's what he feels up to.]

No, you're the idiot! I just wanna look out for my friend!

You force me to do something I really don't want to do.

That's not what I meant.

[ And she isn't having any of that. ]

I meant how can I help you, Asch.

[As it is anonymous, it feels much more like some kind of pleasantry.]

Did they leave anything?

What the hell?

[He's not sure whether he should still be pissed off or just confused at that comment.]

Your friend is gone. She doesn't need your protection in her own world.

[And he's sure as hell not going to share her fate with someone already looking like he's ready to pummel something.]

...What are you doing?

[HE REALLY DOESN'T TRUST YOU]

[...Yeah, he should have expected that. He's still resistant, though, because really, what can be done? His headache will go away eventually and he'll get over it. He always does.]

You don't... need to help me. I told you, I'm fine- this isn't the first time this has happened.

[Not with losing the replica. And not with losing everything else, either. If anything the familiarity, the reminder of how pathetic his life is supposed to be, is almost a blessing.]

Xion left letters. I didn't look at them, so they're still in the apartment if you want to distribute them.

[What Luke left, he's kept, so there's no need to share that.]

[But nothing from Luke.

Nephry supposes letters are not really his style.]

I wouldn't mind. Is it open?

[ Her expression softens. ]

It doesn't have to be about what you need. If you just want someone to be with you, I-I can do that, too.

Picking up your shift.

Coincidence, huh? That does spoil the mood, a little.

It isn't locked.

I'm not here to feed your romantic delusions. I'm just passing on information.

...Rapunzel...

[Dammit, she's making it difficult to just stalk off in an angry huff and be alone for a while. Something about the look on her face makes him want to get angry and console her at the same time.

He doesn't like the conflicting experience, but it probably shows on his face.]

...I won't be good company right now. You should steer clear.

[...What, is that all? Geez.]

If it's such a problem, just ask Buffy to do it.

I know. [ But good company wasn't why she was here. ]

You don't have to be alone in this, Asch. That's why I'm here.

[But I'm always alone. He doesn't say that. He never says that, even if he's always thinking it.

...He didn't used to be, though- that's the problem. For the last while, months, years, he's- there's been a presence. A connection, stronger here than back home, with the length of time it's been existing and with the amount of fonons mingling between the two of them. It's a hefty price, it's true - it's the very link that is slowly killing him, after all - but at least... someone had always been there.

Luke had always been there.

In the end he doesn't say anything, because every response that comes to mind either says too much or isn't enough. There just isn't enough words for this.]

Then I will see what I can do. Thank you.

[She has a real suspicion now about who this is. However, with all this trouble over being anonymous, she is not cruel enough to try to guess.]

[ It's the silence that breaks her heart, because she realizes that he doesn't know what to say. But comfort didn't always come in the form of words, and she was ready to do what she could.

She steps towards him to wind her arms around his middle, if he'll let her. ]

Buffy and I are a team. We'll do it together. Don't you worry.

I'm not.

[Honestly, he couldn't care less about the stupid bar right now. He'll care later, when he isn't such a headcase about all of this, literally.]

[It takes him longer than it had on the draft to really react to the embrace, to stop fighting his conflicting emotions and lift his arms to hold her back. It's hard- it's always been hard to come to terms with what he's experience here, the lessons of you're allowed to feel and you're allowed to care and you don't have to be alone. For so long he really hadn't been allowed to be anything good. Asch the Blood isn't a good person, he doesn't get good things, be with good people. That was Luke. That was why he couldn't be Luke anymore, even if he wanted it.

After Guy left, came back and killed him, a lot of those lessons just seemed so empty and meaningless. He wasn't even allowed to keep the good memories without them being tainted. Hell, he'll probably taint her too, somehow.

He fights it, stubbornly and hesitantly, and his hands are shaking when they finally lift and press against her back. He's all talk; it infuriates him, but it's the truth.

He misses Luke.]

Don't mention it.

[He really doesn't want to be thanked for this, ugh.]

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action; man he gets all the rapunzel action lately

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